Gad Elmaleh Struggles with a U.S. Customs and Border Patrol officer (Ron... more »

Full Credits

Starring:
Gad Elmaleh as Himself
Ron Livingston as Customs Officer
DIRECTOR: Aristotle Athiras
WRITER: Langan Kingsley
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Kate Lilly
TALENT PRODUCER: Luke Esselen
PRODUCER: Hans Sahni
COORDINATOR: Jasmin Guzman
DP: Matt Sweeney
CAM OP: Matt Krueger
CAM OP: Shaun Dixon
AC: Steve Kan
GAFFER: Dustin Supencheck
KEY GRIP: Josh Bell
SWING: James Sowka
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Justin Barnette
SET DRESSER: Tony Lugo
WARDROBE: Victoria Zengo
MAKEUP: Jessica Leigh Schwartz
SOUND MIXER: Alex Dawson
PA: Vincent Rella
EDITOR: Ariel Gardner
EDITOR: Josie Azzam
POST PRODUCER: Alex Parks

Transcript

(crowd noise)
- Passport.
- Hi.
- You were born in Morocco?
- Yes, exactly.
- Why?
- I guess because my parents were there
both at the same time (laughs), I'm kidding.
- So a Muslim, then?
- No, I'm actually Jewish.
Born in an Arab country but I'm Jewish.
- So how did you understand what the other kids were saying?
- I speak Arabic and I speak Hebrew also and French.
- Alright, I got three boxes.
I got English, Spanish, and Other.
Other?
- Okay, yeah.
- What is the purpose of your trip to the United States?
- Living the American Dream?
- Yeah, we don't do that anymore.
What do you do?
- I'm a standup comedian.
- Let's hear a joke.
- I just flew 12 hours and I'm jet-lagged and I'm tired.
- You mean your arms?
- Sorry?
- Your arms are tired?
- No.
- That would be a joke.
- What kind of joke is that?
- Because you flew from France.
- Wait, why--
- Who shot Lincoln?
- Steven Spielberg or he, did he just produce?
I don't know.
- Who chopped down the cherry tree?
- I don't know, sir, I just got here.
I was not there, I--
- Can you dab?
- No, what?
- Dab.
- Sir, I told you I was on the plane
coming to the airport to (coughs) sorry (coughs).
- That's a very good dab, excellent dab.
Alright, when I say, Wassup, what do you say?
- I'm fine.
- No, when I say, Wassup, what do you say?
- Oh, yeah, wassup?
- Wassup.
- Wassup.
- Wassup.
- Wassup.
- Sing something American
- (singing) Is it too late now to say I'm sorry?
- No, Bieber is Canadian.
- Bieber is Canadian?
- Yeah.
- (singing) I need a one dance
- Canadian.
- That's Drake.
- Canadian.
Something American, c'mon.
- (singing) My land is your land,
your land is my land,
from California--
(crash)
Sir this is a little excessive, okay.
No, don't do this to me, okay?
Can I ask you one question, do you know who I am?
You don't know who I am.
Google me and you'll see who the fuck I am.
Okay, guys, sir do you know who I am? No?
Do you know who I am? No?
You don't, okay nobody knows.
Okay, Google me, I'm big, I'm tremendous.
I make more money than all of you guys combined.
Losers, Patrol whatever.
- Sir, you're being an asshole right now.
And there's nothing more American than that.
Hey, fuck you.
- Fuck you too, sir.
Merci.
- Passport.
Vanessa.
What's your real name?

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