Have you ever wondered why you haven't had sex in so long? It could just be a dry... more »

Full Credits

Written & Directed by Nate Dern
Starring: George Kareman, Diego Boneta, David Bernon & Patrick Warburton
Producer: Rob Hatch-Miller
Producer: Luke Esselen
Director Of Photography: Benjamin Rutkowski
Production Manager: Nikil Shyam Sunder
Production Designer: Ellie Del Campo
Additional Camera: Mike Rossetti
Gaffer: Hiram Borges
AC: Michael McClure
Key Grip: Sebastian Nuda
Set Decorator: Samantha Corona
Wardrobe Stylist: Michelle Thompson
Hair & Makeup: Brenna Hauk and Leigh Schwartz
Sound Mixer: Chris Bennett, Bo Town Sound
PAs: Eddie Cisneroz, Sean Milburn and Arya Mogaddam
Post Producer: Alex Parks
VFX & Color: Navid Sanati
Editor: Adriana Robles
Score: Brendan Ryan

Transcript

[Dave] It was incredible. Five seconds left,
feet out, the guy shoots it and...
- He scores. It was incredible.
- That was insane.
By the way, did you see Tinka
at the Re-orientation ceremony last night?
- Dude, she looked so good.
- Ooh!
And did you see Sarah and Beth
in the containment suits, those blue ones?
- Wooo!
- Whoa!
They looked nice.
- Man, I haven't had
sex in so long.
- [ mysterious ♪ ]
What haven't you had in so long?
Sex.
What are... sex?
Sex is when erectile tissue in a
man's penis engorges with the blood.
The woman's vagina lubricates
and the clitoris swells.
Um... [clears throat]
Then the erect penis is inserted
inside of the now moist vagina.
Thrusting causes a pleasurable
sensation in both parties.
The man's climax is accompanied
by the ejaculation of two milliliters of semen,
and for the women anywhere from
2 to 15 pelvic muscle contractions
during which it's common for the
urethra and anus to rhythmically contract.
[retching]
- Ugh, that's disgusting.
- What's disgusting? Sex?
- Uh!
- You need to get the [bleep]
out you sick [bleep]!
That thing you just made up
is just straight up nasty.
I mean yes, the erectile tissue
for our penises becomes engorged.
That's why we don't urinate on ourselves
when we're sleeping in our sleeping pods.
I didn't make it up!
At least I think I didn't.
Shut your allegiance hole!
We were having a nice time
talking about hot comrade-iennes,
and you have to bring up this...
S-E-C-K-S talk?
And then lubricated genitals
and rhythmic anal contractions--
[Gary] That's it!
I'm calling Decency and Morals.
No wait.
We'll be accomplices in depravity.
[sighs]
We need to take
care of this ourselves.
[Gary] Your brain...
is dirty.
[Dave, softly]
Your brain needs to be cleansed.
- [both chanting] Needs to be cleansed.
- No.
Needs to be cleansed!
Needs to be cleansed!
[Nick, struggling] Guys, my brain isn't dirty, okay?
It's just your brains have been washed.
Great sex is gross,
yes I admit that, but it's also good
and it's natural
and I'm gonna do it.
Zarks. What a stressful allotted
hangout session.
Tell me about it.
- Would you like an orgasm pill to relax?
- Honestly yes.
[ mysterious ♪ ]
[male narrator] The scene you just
watched is about a world
where sex doesn't exist.
Such a world, the concept of sex,
would be pretty gross.
Don't you think?
Maybe they reproduce
with test tubes or something.
I don't know.
We didn't think about that,
but evidently they do have orgasms,
and it'll probably be
a real things soon.
Maybe they'll have pills
that will give you an erection, so.
Have you seen the Twilight Zone?
That's what I meant to reference.
It was an anthology series.
It first aired in 1959.
I saw it on Hulu.
Good episodes. Holds up pretty well.
So, I guess the reason you
haven't had sex in so long...
you know from the title of the video,
is that in this world sex does not exist.
And you're just a sick freak for wanting to mash
your genitals against another human's genitals.
Notice how he only described heterosexual sex,
like that's the only kind.
Not gay sex.
Not to mention that many women
prefer direct clitoral stimulation
rather than that [bleep]
jackhammerin' action that sicko described.
Plus there's hands stuff.
There's all kinds of ways to get your rocks off.
Well, I guess the video is over now.
Alexa,
is orgasm pill a thing yet?

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