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Rick Grimes has a plan and Tara has stale candy. The most ridiculous things from last night's The Walking Dead premiere S08E01 "Mercy"
- October 23, 2017
- 950k Views
October 23, 2017
- Ba-da-da-da-da berrrr
I'm glad they took time out of the last supply run
to stock up on stale candy.
The dead are walking the earth and chewing on
that rock hard Twizzler is still the
grossest thing I've ever seen on this show.
Rick doesn't disappoint with one of his signature rambling
shout speeches about nothing in particular because people
have to listen to you when you're holding a machine gun.
"I found Jesus. He told me about a world.
It's a small world after all and
when you're right, you're right.
And if all rights are wrong,
I don't want to be alright, alright, alright."
Then he declares that people who take and kill
have no place in this world and if anyone tries that crap,
he's going to take all the shit and kill them.
Then Ezekiel has to start talking about this and thou
and doth like it's bad community theater because people
also have to listen to you when you've got a tiger.
And then Maggie talks too.
Okay three speeches, that's too many speeches.
The more speeches delivered at an event,
the less important it is.
My high school graduation, they let any student get up there
and say what they wanted. It took 3 1/2 hours.
It was the most pointless shit I've ever been to.
Watching Darryl and Dwight using arrows to communicate
with each other; the best.
I don't know what the green lighting process is at AMC
for spinoff series, but I need
arrow chats with Darryl and Dwight yesterday.
Is this really Rick's fantasy?
To be an old man in bed listening to Weird Al?
Damn, never realized we had so much in common.
Carl continues to have the worst haircut on t.v.
in the history of both haircuts and also t.v.
Just how bad is Carl's haircut?
That absurd hat he wears is still
not the dumbest shit on his head.
And there's a lesson here for sure:
Get a decent haircut or your going
to wind up working at a gas station.
Hey sounds like Carl has a new friend.
[Man]- I've been shot at. Someone threw a microwave at me.
- Uh, they threw microwaves at you?
At a certain point, getting hit with a microwave
is more on you, then the person who throws it.
Those things are not exactly difficult to dodge.
Rick Grimes outta no where,
"Get that shit outta here hungry dude"
Rick heard what he had to say Carl. Most of it.
He skimmed it. Okay? He got the gist, then he shot his gun.
That's how Ricky G. handles biz.
Making a list is a helpful way to get things done.
Whether that's running errands, going shopping, or
picking off you enemies one by one.
In this case, it looks like they're
doing a little bit of each of those.
Hey Everybody, it's Judith! It's great to see you!
They grow up so fast.
She's really starting to look just like her dad, Shane.
Something about the fact that this is the first episode
of the season would lead me to believe that this is,
in fact, not the end of it.
Unless all out war means sitting around high-fiving
for fifteen episodes which would
still be better than all of season two.
This operation does not look like it's built to succeed.
BMX armor and sheet metal might protect you from a
strong breeze but that's about it.
You guys, it's not Tara's fault she was off by seven seconds
with this completely insane and made up zombie freeway math.
Usually when she does zombie freeway math,
she's chewing on red vines but all that they could
scare up when they raided the movie theater
on the last run was Twizzlers.
The red vines give her all her zombie freeway math powers.
It's amazing she was able to get that close at all.
RV face is my new favorite character.
RV face, a fan favorite from the comics, is bold, and
compelling and also dynamic but most importantly,
you never know what RV face is going to do next.
Looking forward to many years of adventures with RV face
and the highly anticipated spinoff web series,
Steer the Walking Dead.
How is it possible that Rick Grimes has aged 20 years
and walks with a cane and everyone else looks the same?
I think Michonne looks younger.
Negan adds insult to injury here.
First, telling Rick he was in a meeting, which
is the lamest excuse in the book of lame excuses then
yelling at Rick that they both know
Negan has a bigger dick.
But considering Rick is holding a gun and
Negan is holding a bat and Negan is the one doing all
the shit talking, I'm gonna have to
side with Negan on this whole dick size issue.
Hey Rick, do you maybe wanna take a break from role call to
shoot Negan in his face because
this seems like a prime opportunity.
No, you.. just wanna...keep doing the name thing?
OK, your the boss.
Bleh, Gregory, the worst. This guy sucks so much.
The fact that he thinks anyone at Hilltop still cares
what he says, would be cute if it wasn't so stupid.
Let's see what Jesus has to say.
- All I have at the Hilltop are a bunch of books
and an old lobster bib.
- OK, that would be stupid if it wasn't so cute.
OK Gregory, why don't you go talk to these stairs.
Rick's name game worked so well,
let's try the counting game.
- Eight.. seven..
(gun shots fire)
Alright, that is definitely not how the counting game works.
But it finely got Rick shooting so, no complaints here.
Darryl takes a refreshing sip from his canteen
because it's important to hydrate before you lead a hoard
of zombies on your motorcycle while
you blow shit up with guns you stole.
Darryl should give Rick some shooting lessons.
You're supposed to use the bullets in your gun
to shoot at targets and destroy them.
Rick must have missed that day at gun school.
R.I.P. RV face,
The only thing Father Gabriel should have done with his car,
in this particular situation, is hit the gas and
point the business end at Gregory's dick.
OK let's see if his goodwill pays off.
It sure does! For Gregory,
who steals his car and drives away.
There was almost no way to see that coming except
by thinking about it even a little, for like half a second.
Isn't that just the worst when you forget to wear your
shitting pants on the one day you're
supposed to wear your shitting pants?
Also doesn't seem like Negan will leave the door unlocked.
But I guess, everyone makes mistakes.
Like Father Gabriel, not realizing he's holding a gun
and Negan is holding a bat.
Gun beats bat 100% of the time.
Tune in next week!
Will Carl's new friend appreciate the care package?
He better! Carl even wrote him a note
on the page of the Koran.
Were any saviors injured by the 50,000 bullets
Rick's gang unleashed?
No, but plenty of windows were destroyed
and those windows have families.
Will we see more of Rick's thrilling dream sequence?
There's a big owl statue involved so let's fucking hope not.
None of this and more, next time on The Walking Dead.