Join Zack as he barrels through the Hollywood buzz in the style of Mad Money,... more »

Full Credits

STARRING: Zack Poitras
DIRECTOR/WRITER: Zack Poitras
PRODUCER: Sean Boyle
UPM: Jack Bradley
DP: Matt Sweeney
Cam OP: William Christensen
Cam OP: Nate Cornett
GAFFER: Joe Jackson
KEY GRIP: Jennifer Cohen
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Ashley Swanson
SOUND MIXER: Alex Dawson
PA: Nabeer Khan
PA: Valey Albano
PA: Chloe Mackenzie Lee
EDITOR: Salamo Manetti- Lax
GRAPHICS: Shawn James
POST PRODUCER: Alex Parks

Transcript

- [Announcer] Ga-dsh.
(rock music)
- Hey, my fuckin' name's
Zack and this is the Batshit Buzz-Cracker, where I crack
the case of Hollywood buzz, and clue you in on which celebs
are acting their way to the A list, or bouncing off the
career diving board!
I've also been declared legally batshit nutso by the
American Medical Association, but so?
Okay, let's ride this train!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Bing bong.
Wooh!
It's fuckin' July, beach buds, and that means blockbuster
season is in her final death throws!
Bustin' blocks last weekend was Spiderman Six: Teen boy!
I haven't seen the movie yet, and unless I get over my
intense fear of dark rooms, I probably never will, but
paring a boy in tights with a man in metal?
That's gonna kick the dollar signs right between
the bars every time!
Cha chow!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Cha-chow!
And ooh boy, is this cast in cleanup mode!
I'm talking about the movie stars who are shooting
right up into STARmeter space!
We all know Robbie D.J.'s got the golden goatee, but
the real story is Tom Holland, shooting up 14 to
number two on the IMDbSm!
Is he gonna knock Gal Gadot off of her
wonderful woman place?
I'm pretty sure he will, though his co-pretender Zendaya is
gonna give him a run for his money!
A newcomer with one name?
I'm intrigued, I'm creepy!
I'm calling this a definite Star Swipe situation!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Star Swipe.
- Zendaya's pure Omhaftal status!
One more hit away from the A list, but what's breathing
down our mouths is the last BO battle of the summer screens!
It's web slingers versus turd flingers!
War of Monkeys is out today, and it's looking to tear
the cup right off of Parker's peter and drink in
the glory of being number one!
But you know what?
Boom, I'm making the call!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Called it!
- That could be my spider sense, it could be my phantom
itch, but I think the sticky team's web is gonna
snare the most moolah!
Sure, we'll all be singing the praises of Andy Serkis,
mister green suit, himself, for helping us all tolerate
CGI, but the real oncoming buzzsaw is on
the small screen, baby!
(chanting Game of Thrones theme)
It's GoT time!
It's Hollywood heresy!
It's against L.A. law!
It's Tinseltown treason to be missing
the weekly Thrones game!
And all 95 of the show's main cast are about to
clean up on aisle Hot Topic, cause they're gonna be
water cooler winners from now until our flick Autumn!
Look for a lot more GoTers and a lot more movies, and
that's a safe bet!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Safe bet.
(alarm)
- Oh, looks like we got
a Batshit Buzz Cracking controversy on our hands!
(alarm powering down)
Sometimes even I can't predict what bee's but the buts
will bumble from, and that's the case of the STARmeter
shaking engagement of Patton Oswalt to Meredith Salenger,
who shot up 4,317 spots to kiss the back of
nine at number 10, but troll polls say that the widow Oswalt
should have waited a little longer before P'ing the Q, but
to those trolls, I say!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Die alone.
- Cause that's what I'm gonna do, and I need
the lonely company!
Congrats to Meredith on the ring and the buzz!
If Patton's ready to be happy again, then I'm ready to be
buzzing again, so give me the lightning round!
(thunder)
- [Announcer] Lightning round.
- Lightning round, summer style!
You give me the former summer star and I'll tell you
cast or cut!
(buzzer)
Brad from Beverly Hills,
you're on!
- [Brad] Hey, Zack, big fan of the show.
- Is that Pitt?
- (laughs) Guilty as charged.
Listen, I'm thinking about casting my ex, Angelina Jolie, in
a movie I'm making.
I'm talking STARmeter points up the wazoo, here.
Oscar guaranteed.
- Uh, Brad, I know the numbers look, but you've gotta
learn to separate work and love with fine-toothed
gloves, or else that whole sink'll ship!
Keep that play miles away!
That's a cut!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Cut!
(Buzzer)
Next, Harvey, from L.A.,
you're on!
- [Harvey] Hey Zack, I'm thinking about
casting Tobey Maguire.
- What's the role, Harvey?
- [Harvey] He'd play a talking carrot.
- CGI?
- [Harvey] No, he'll have to put on a carrot suit.
- He made a red suit work and he can do the same for orange!
Plus, the Seabiscuit shortie is due for a comeback!
I say cast!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Cast!
Next caller!
(buzzer)
Pamela from Milwaukee,
you're up!
- [Pammy] Hey Zack, I'm thinking about reaching out to
Will Smith for some sofa commercials.
- What's your budg?
- [Pammy] 12 thousand dollars.
(thud)
- Misguided!
(buzzer)
- [Announcer] Misguided.
- You don't have the scratch for Smith, my friend!
I'm sorry, but you gotta reach out to somebody who's
more like a Paul Reiser, a Paul Dano, or
a Paula Poundstone!
- [Announcer] Show over, show over.
- That's it for this week, baby!
Join me next time, when I'll tell you who in this town can
play a doctor, and trust me, it aint Keanu Reeves!
Ahhhh!
Ah...
Oh.
(thud)
(swooshes)
(creaking)

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