The long haired businessmen do their real business in the bathroom.
- October 05, 2017
- 370k Views
Starring - Ben Wietmarschen, George Kareman, Pat O'Brien
Written & Directed by - Ben Wietmarchen, George Kareman, Pat O'Brien
Director of Photography - Matt Sweeney
Camera Operator - William Christensen
Camera Operator - Ryan Bender
Gaffer - Eddy Scully
Key Grip Jo Gutierrez
Hair and Makeup Artist - Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Sound Mixer - Alex Dawson
Production Coordinator - Yoli Poropat
Producer - Sean Boyle
Set PA - Elle Eckley
Intern Chloe MacKenzie-Lee
Editor - Tom Levin
October 05, 2017
(paper towel crumpling)
(pee hitting urinal)
- Hey Kevin, did you see this?
- [Kevin] What do you got?
- Now see, this is Brian's group.
- Well, I mean, you know, might be Brian's,
but I don't wanna get caught with our
pants down being told we're held responsible, you know?
- Best thing to do is let sleeping dogs lie.
- I mean, you know, I feel like we've...
- What I'm concerned about is these property taxes.
- Well, I mean, the mayor's bought and paid for.
- I mean, that's why I didn't go into politics, personally.
- You know, they wanted me to at the mayor's office,
but I said no private sectors for me.
- [Seth] That's smart.
- Several people wanted me to run,
but I said, you know what?
- Also, there's still time.
- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah, we're young men, I won't say how young, but.
- Not as young as we used to be.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
- Definitely older than we used to be.
- I have been jogging, though.
- Oh, have you?
- Okay, cuz I think we should probably talk to him.
- He's on Brian's team.
- He's low level, he won't be able to do anything to us.
- I just don't want the wrong information
to get into the wrong hands.
- I consider this our second office,
and I'd hate for it to, you know,
be infiltrated, and you know, people start talking.
I actually wanted to pick your guys' brains
about the, uh, Torrance Group.
- That's the big hog in the walk.
Those hogs are greased up and we gotta tackle them.
- Well they're ready for it, I mean, it's ours,
this is ours to lose, you know.
I mean, those guys are, they're, uh,
they don't know what's what and I think
they kinda need us to, to set them straight.
So I'm gonna loop you guys in on this email
that I've drafted--
- [Kyle] And, uh, we'll just sort of, uh,
(urine splashing) circle back.
- Cuz I do feel like I've got my feet on the ground
you know, when it comes to Torrance Group.
The only thing is, if we could touch base with them
about sort of just, you know,
mapping out a road map for moving forward.
Because I think part of the problem is they, you know,
look, they want to work with us,
they wanna get this off the ground,
but I think they're a little bit concerned about
you know, best practices that would be in that process.
(urine hitting urinal in spurts)
- Yeah, in the Torrance Group, they notoriously get spooked
by just the tiniest little thing.
- Then they get spooked, they'll fly away,
and we won't see them til, you know, Q3, Q4.
- I think, that's exactly, that's exactly my thought.
We gotta tread lightly with these guys
cuz, uh, you know, we don't want to sort of
buck the horse too early and end up with mud in our ass.
- What I'm concerned about with this office is, you know,
all the gossip and rumor mills are gettin' outta control.
- Well, that's where, we need to sort of, we need to spend--
- That's why we might want to talk to Del
because I don't, you know...
I don't know what he thinks he heard,
that's what concerns me.
- Yeah, I mean Del, we just need to shore that up
cuz he will say anything, that needs to be said to Brian.
- If Torrance gets wind of this, they'll have a field day.
I mean, this is exactly the kinda
chink in the armor that these guys are--
- Yeah, I'd love to get, you know,
I'd love to get the Torrance Group.
If we can get some of their guys,
and gals, maybe out of the office.
- [Kyle] I'd love to take it out of the office.
- Because I think with, you know what I mean,
I think with them--
- [Kyle] Put some drinks in them.
- [Kyle] And loosen things up.
Sorta grease the pig a little bit.
- Yeah, I mean, look, every time...
I think that the whole environment
over there is so stuck up.
They walk around like they got rulers right up their butts.
I mean, we gotta take them out, let them know, hey--
- Loosen 'em up.
- Yeah, you know.
- We gotta, you know, rip the sticks outta their ass
and see what comes out behind it.
Loosen 'em up and let 'em, you know, let it fly.
- [Kyle] Yeah, take out the sticks
and let the money kinda--
- [Seth] I couldn't agree more.
- We gotta cup our hands and just collect,
like a slot machine.
- You know what I mean, you pull the stick,
coins come out.
Gotta take my wife out, or else she'll...
- How is your wife?
- You know, she...
is always begging to go out dancing, and you know...
- That why I chose the divorce.
I just felt like it was...
- Clean break.
- Just kinda... you know, I'll get out of here.
Sorta do things on my own terms.
- [Kevin] I envy you.
- I can't say I'm single, by choice, (knocks), but, uh...
- Knock on wood.
- I don't know, this might be tile.
- Yeah, what is this?
This is actually pretty (banging on wall), pretty hollow.
- Yeah, this is some sort of tile, I bet.
I tiled my bathroom.
Or I had a guy tile my bathroom.
And, you know, he was telling me it's, you know,
it's all about just sticking the tiles on the wall.
It's really, that's really all it is.
- Yeah, you kinda lay down the spackle
and then the caulk.
Yeah, I had a guy too, I kinda oversaw his team.
I kind of, uh, whoop, I kind of oversaw
everything that was going on.
- See, it's louder when you put your ear up to it.
(excessively blowing nose)
(farting and urine splashing)
(urine splashing, farting, plopping)
- [Kevin] We gotta do something
about the ventilation in here.
- [Kyle] Yeah, it stinks.
- [Kyle] See, I ate a bunch of mussels for dinner.
I don't know if you guys have done the all-you-can-eat
cacciatore meal at Olive Garden, but phew, man.
- That's like liquid gold, to me.
- [Kyle] It was good, I was laid out on the bed
for most of the night, though.
- Um, you guys wanna get to it?
- Now here, deliverables, this area is left blank.
It's like, they have the timeline, they have,
but you know, they have best practices outlined,
you know, they have the team members involved.
- Well, actually, I'm glad you brought that up because
I actually wanted to pick your brain about it, Kyle, because
my question is, are the deliverables our responsibility?
- Well, that's the big, great Mystery Machine here.
I mean, it's like, get Scooby Doo on the phone,
cuz, you know, it's sort of, uh--
- [Chase] Hi gentlemen.
- [Seth] Chase.
- [Kevin] Chase.
- Uh, hey Chase?
Um, you're on Calvin's team now, right?
- [Chase] Yeah, as of yesterday.
- Okay, we were wondering, now do you have any,
we're about to sorta circle up,
circle the wagons with the Torrance people.
Did Calvin say anything about
who might be looped in on that?
That phone call, or?
- He didn't mention anything to me.
- [Kevin] Have you been on any emails,
uh, with them, about the Torrance Group?
- The last email I got, it mentioned...
- That, that's...
- That's their white whale.
- Yeah. That's who we needed.
- We gotta go after Deborah.
- Deborah's their, their kingfisher.
- I'm gonna put that down.
Chase, I appreciate you telling us that, Chase.
- It will be reflected in the...
- [Seth] That will not be forgotten.
- ...in the quarterly reviews.
- [Chase] Awesome.
- Um, yeah.
But also, do us a favor, and don't mention this to--
- Don't mention this to Calvin right away.
- Keep this, keep the Ziploc bag nice and tight.
We might put it in the freezer for a later date.
- Exactly, yeah, keep it on ice, until we let you know.
- Sort of on the inside.
- But until, yeah, until we let you know,
please, you know, just keep your mouth shut.
- Yeah, just be kinda silent on that.
- And if you happen to be in the restroom again
and you have any more... updates for us.
- We're always here, sort of, or at least one of us.
- [Chase] See you guys on the outside.
- Take it easy, man.
- Alright, Chase.
- See ya, Chase.
- I do not trust him.
- I don't. He'll squeal like a little pink pig.
- I'll you what, though,
we could use this as a Trojan Horse.
Let's let him infiltrate Calvin's team.
He thinks he's on our side.
We feed him information--
- Feed him information, throw Calvin off the scent.
Calvin's caught with his pants down.
And boom, we ram it to Torrance.
We take all the credit.
- There it is.
Spoken like a true team leader.
- I think, I don't know, I think the Torrance Group is,
I think we have them, by chains.
- The pump is primed.
- Chains and buckles.
- Yeah, tie 'em up, let 'em go.
- [Seth] Hey, the flush button's
not working over here, do you know what's going on?
- I think those might be waterless.
- Yeah, these are waterless machines.
- [Seth] Okay. Now that's because
I'm dealing with a mess over here, left by Chase.
And (banging), you know, I don't know if that is...
- That's not going down.
- [Seth] if that's something he did intentionally,
because if that's the case, we might wanna talk to him.
- Yeah, we might wanna circle up with him.
- I think he might be trying to, you know...
- Mark his territory?
- [Seth] A little bit.
Get in our faces, let us know, ruffle the feathers.
- Okay. This is an act of aggression, what he just did.
To that urinal.
This is war, I'm afraid.
- You know, we're trying, you know, I'm up here,
I'm working until 6:00 every night.
I'm working until, psh, get here...
I'm not outta here til 6:00.
- Yeah, exactly.
I'm here, I'm putting in a solid seven, eight hours a day.
You know, I don't need Ron philan-,
you know, philanthropy-ing about, uh,
with his blonde-haired, or even...
girlfriend on the beach, you know,
spreading out, spreading out with the suntan lotion.
- If he wants to spend time with a blonde,
go work at the, for the Playboy, you know, Industries.
- Yeah, work at Tropi-, work at, you know.
- Yeah, work at Tropicana, for crying out loud.
We're not playboys, we're businessmen,
and we get deals done.
- Sure, I'd love to sit in the sun all day
with a beautiful blonde bombshell,
but I got actual work to do.
- Yeah, I have work to do, I have a wife to take care of,
I have three beautiful daughters that need braces.
- And I have no women in my life, but nonetheless,
if you gave me the opportunity to sit down with a blonde,
I would say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
- [Kyle] "No thanks, I'll pass."
- [Kevin] I bet you can watch so many movies.
- [Seth] I have a lot of time to watch movies.
And I'll tell you something right now--
- I haven't watched a movie in a week.
- Can I tell you something about that, though?
There are so many movies available to us now,
on the internet and all this stuff,
I don't even know where to begin.
The selection's too big.
- [Kyle] It's an embarrassment of riches.
- I want to be told what to watch.
By a woman.
I want a woman.
- [Kyle] Well, blessing and a curse.
- [Kevin] Yeah. (knocks tile)
- [Seth] Oh, gee, look at this.
I'm blowing up.
- Now is this 3G?
Are you running 3G, or is this LTE?
- [Seth] You know, it should be LTE, but, um,
sometimes it goes to 3G if the connection isn't great.
That's on them.
- [Kevin] Excuse me, I've had a lot of iced tea today.
See that, it's the old guard that--
- Huh, I'd like to pick his brain real quick.
- Yeah, I actually wanted to...
Uh, do you have any information
on what's going on with Calvin's team
in regards to the Torrance Group?
Are they looped in on that?
- I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you.
Calvin's really been kinda slacking.
- See, this is what we thought.
What we suspected.
And I appreciate you coming forward
with that information, Elijah.
- You helping us is gonna help the business.
It's gonna help the bottom line.
- Cuz I love you guys' work ethic.
I love the way you guys operate your team.
- Thank you.
- Appreciate it.
- [Kevin] Excuse us. Get in there, get in there.
Go for it.
- Let's maybe table, we'll table this.
And we'll circle back.
- We'll circle back.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Appreciate it. Thanks, Elijah.
- Great. Thanks a lot, Elijah.
- But, um, yeah, the, the Torrance looks great, huh?
- Yeah, I think it's gonna go great.
You know, one thing I'm, uh...
thinking about is this weekend.
I got tickets to the big Rose Bowl, um, Parade.
- You managed to get tickets?
- [Kevin] I was able to get tickets.
Hey Del, how are ya?
- [Del] How you guys doing?
Ron's looking for you guys.
- Who's looking, Ron is?
- [Del] Ron.
- Ron showed his face.
- [Del] I told him you were having a meeting.
- He's back from vacation, huh?
- [Kevin] Yeah, I thought that guy would never get back.
- Yeah, how many days has he spent on the golf course?
- Del, if you see Ron, just reach out to him
and let him know that we'll ping him in a bit.
- Yeah, we want to bend his ear on a couple things.
- Yeah, don't let him leave the building,
because he'll leave and we won't see him for weeks.
- Yeah, you turn your back and he's gone,
he's back on the, back on the golf course.
- Or the beach.
- We do appreciate that information, Del, thank you.
- Alright, well when you're done with meeting,
he'd like to have you in there.
- Yeah, alright. And we'll, we'll tell you...
- We'll tell you when we go out there, but.
- See, he's got an inflated ego now working with Calvin.
- That's a Calvin guy.
- That is a classic Calvin move right there.
- He's training all these guys
to be too big for their britches all of a sudden.
- He's greasing 'em up.
Let me tell you something, he's greasing 'em up
and he's turning them against us.
He's planting little ideas and letting the seeds grow.
And that's our tactic.
(paper towel crumpling)
- Hey, Seth.
When you get a, when you're, uh.
Actually, when you're wrapped up in there,
I'd love to pick your brain about the, uh,
I know we got our eyes on Torrance right now,
but Marigold is breathing down my neck.
- [Seth] Well, actually,
I'm glad you brought that up cuz I need to get your eyes
on sort of, you know, those Q3 numbers.
- You guys talking Marigold?
- Marigold's coming down the pike, and fast.
And I just don't want to be caught,
I just don't want to be caught
with our pants down again, like with the,
like the Tamagotchi situation.
- Right. My question with Marigold is,
is that gonna be a soft play, or we going in hot 'n' heavy?
- No, we're going in hard.
This was a good meeting, guys.
- Alright, guys.
- I'm gonna grab my coffee and get out of here.
- I'm gonna take another piss.
I actually gotta take a dump.
- Alright, and just a heads up,
I apologize about that.
(paper towel crinkling)
- Could we get a flush in there?
It's really stinking.
- [Kyle] I think this is a...
This might be waterless.