No Activity: Off The Record - A.K.A. Debbie

(radio chatter)
- I think it's time for car 27 to get a call from Debbie.
- Have I met her, is she in dispatch?
(light slap)
- Mm-mm, oh you're in for a real treat.
(light slap)
- Watch this.
(clears throat)
Car 27 will you pick up please, car 27?
- [Cullen] Hey!
Hey Debbie!
- Debbie!
- Debbie, how are ya?
- (laughs) I'm good, how you boys doing?
(light pounding)
(upbeat jazz music)
- [Cullen] Real good!
- Are you missing me?
- Oh, so much.
- (laughs) Do you wish I was there in that front seat?
- Oh yeah, always.
(giggles loudly)
- Well, my gosh, it's so good to hear your voice.
It's been so long.
- We love you.
- Mm, I love you back.
I just wanna check on you two
make sure you're not in too much trouble.
I hear you're on a
big ol' drug scout or whatever you call it.
- It's not the same without ya.
- Aw, well I'm just so flattered.
I wish I could just kiss you!
- Oh yeah.
- (laughs) Okay, well I gotta sign off
there's someone on the other line
but I'll keep ya abreast.
- Oh, breast!
- (laughs) Okay, I'll see ya later.
- Okay.
- Okay, buh-bye.
Debbie.
- That's like, that's a pretty funny inside joke
you guys have.
- No, they don't know it's me. They have no idea.
Debbie and I don't sound anything alike.
- It sounds so similar though, it sounds like the same
voices, your own voice.
- Sounds similar?
- Yeah.
- What are you deaf in one ear
how can we sound similar?
- I don't know.
- Debbie talks high pitched like this
and she kinda talks trashy.
And she's always talking about you know,
fast and quick and flirtatious,
- Yeah, okay, see it's-
- And I'm professional
and I talk with more logic in my voice.
- Okay, which one was Debbie though?
Cause they sounded-
- Debbie talks like this,
"Hey do you wanna come to the ranch and"
"have a piece of pecan pie"?
- Yup.
- And I would never invite anybody to a ranch.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ranch alone is trashy.
But I would say, "Why don't you come to the ranch"
- Right.
- "and have a piece
of pecan pie."
- Right, okay.
So you do different things,
but you sound exactly the same.
- We do nothing the same and we sound nothing alike.
I told you, Debbie talks like this,
"Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee".
And I would talk like this,
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday".
- Right.
- I mean, besides, that was tame.
I mean, sometimes Debbie can be really raunchy
and say things I would never.
- Wow.
- She's filthy.
- Whoa.
And I'm just not that way, I'm just not that way at all.
So we're nothing alike.
- Okay, just one second,
let me just check with-
- Don't check in with him, you're taking-
(sighs)
- Car 27,
please come in car 27.
- [Cullen] This is car 27.
- Okay, hi, this is Fatima.
- Yeah.
- Uh, yeah, I just wanted to ask you guys,
Debbie and Janice...
- Yeah?
- Right,
'kay, thoughts on that?
- Uh, Debbie or Janice?
- Well, yeah, right, like, same person right?
- Who?
- Debbie is Janice, Janice is Debbie.
- What?!
- No. You guys, you could cut the-
clearly you're playing along, obviously.
- Are you serious, you're saying Debbie is Janice?
- It's the same person, it's the same voice.
- What the fuck?!
- It's not like a spoiler, you already know that.
- We've known Debbie for two years!
Debbie is Janice?
- No, no no.
My mistake, my mistake.
Dispatch out.
(upbeat jazz music)
(low slam)
- [Cullen] Car 27 no activity.