Knee Shoes: The Perfect Solution To The NFL Kneeling Controversy
If you can’t afford the tuition, you’re not a big baller!
- December 01, 2017
December 01, 2017
- [Announcer] Specialized learning!
One on one instruction!
Traditional schooling can't offer it all.
- Are you concerned your child's education
isn't giving you everything you deserve?
And did you spend a year as a backup tight end
in the Canadian Football League?
Then Lavar Ball School of Homeschooling is for you!
The Lavar Ball School of Homeschooling's mission is simple.
Show you how to provide the absolute minimum
in state school requirements,
while also providing you with the tools
to bring every possible ounce
of personal celebrity to your child's skills.
- The Lavar Ball School of Homeschooling
is the best thing that ever happened to me.
This is my son.
- Dad, what's this mean?
- Yeah, I don't--
- Our system is designed to provide you,
a fame hungry middle-aged father,
who has the tiniest possible amount of sports credibility.
The tools you need to:
and most of all,
Permanently link you and your child athlete.
(cash register ding)
Whatever your child ends up achieving or not achieving,
we'll make sure your big fat face will be right there too.
- Along with the tips that help my son
pass the Iowa Test of Basic Skills,
The Lavar Ball School of Homeschooling
helped me legally change my name to something closer to his.
People constantly comment on my son's name and vice versa!
Now, me and my talented son are constantly linked.
- My name is Brendon.
- And my name is Brandon.
- [Man] Sorry, is your name Brendon or Brandon?
- And we don't stop at names.
Lavar Ball School for Homeschooling curriculum
Referring to your family as a brand,
Publicly comparing your child to legends
before he's gone through puberty,
and creating a sneaker brand that inelegantly conjures up
the term "Big Balls."
- Big hairy dangly baller brand shoes.
- By the time we're finished,
your oblivious ego will drive you to treat anyone
unwilling to boast at your popularity
with massive disrespect.
- Now, Brandon...
the old one.
He was under the impression that I worked for Under Armour.
But when he found out that
I actually work for Under Farmer,
a nonprofit that pairs horses and farmers
to ride in their free time,
he told me to "stay in my lane".
I was like, what are you talking about?
You're the one lying across my windshield!
And I think I am in my lane.
I'm parked in my driveway.
- [Host] Sign up today and we'll ship
studying materials directly to your home.
Or, the Chinese prison,
your son is being detained in for shoplifting.
- The Lavar Ball School for Homeschooling.
Behind every child,
there's a great dad standing right in front 'em.