The GOP has been looking for their own answer to the Boss, and they may have finally found the perfect conservative rock icon.

Full Credits

CAST:
Rob Huebel
Pete Hulne
Lindsay McCormick
Old Men: Robert Evans, Ed Ford Jr. Ron McPherson, Phil Painter, Gene Wallace, CREW:
Writer: Adam McKay
Director: Ryan Perez
Producer: Brianne Trosie
Music Producer/Track Recording: Ben Sheehan
Director of Photography: Aaron Ulrich
Gaffer: Ian Thomas
Key Grip: Carlos Chavez
Mixing/Additional Production: Jamie Hill
Production Design: Tricia Robertson
Sound Mixer/Playback Operator: Danny Carpenter for BoTown Sound
Wardrobe: Derya Derman
Hair & MU: Jessica Leigh Schwartz
PA: Becca Scheuer

Transcript


> GENTLEMAN, THIS ELECTION
ON NOVEMBER 4TH IS GOING
TO BE VERY TIGHT.
NOW HOPEFULLY WITH A LITTLE
VOTER OBSTRUCTION,
SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF
PEOPLE, WITH THINGS LIKE
EBOLA AND IMMIGRANTS,
WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO TAKE
BACK THE SENATE. BUT
THERE'S ONE THINGS I'M
VERY WORRIED ABOUT.

> GAYNESS, BECOMING AIRBORNE?

> AH FUCK, NOW I'M WORRIED
ABOUT TWO THINGS. WHAT I
WAS GOING TO SAY IS THAT I'M
WORRIED ABOUT BRUCE
SPRINGSTEIN.

> BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN?

> YEAH GLEN, BRUCE FUCKING
SPRINGSTEEN.
YOU EVER HEARD OF HIM?

> YEAH.

> TAKE A LOOK.

> BY ALL STANDARDS, THIS BRUCE
SPRINGSTEEN IS ONE OF THE
MOST POPULAR MEN IN AMERICA.

> SO WHAT HE'S JUST
A SINGER. REMEMBER WHEN
WE DESTROYED THAT DIXIE
CHICK BITCH?

> YEAH BOB, I REMEMBER THAT,
BUT YOU CAN'T
DO THAT WITH BRUCE. HE'S AN
ICON, AND HE'S NOT A WOMAN,
AS FAR AS WE KNOW. NOW WHAT IF
PEOPLE LOOK AT BRUCE,
AND THEY SAY, "HEY, THERE'S THE
MOST POPULAR MAN IN
AMERICA, HE DOESN'T LIKE
REPUBLICANS. WHAT AM I DOING?"
THAT COULD COST US THE ELECTION.

> NO, NO...

> NOW I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON SOMETHING. THE CONSERVATIVE
ANSWER TO BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN.
I HAD TO CHANGE
HIS NAME A LITTLE SO HE
DOESN'T SOUND SO
JEWISH. I HAD TO CLEAN UP HIS
WARDROBE SO HE DOESN'T
LOOK LIKE A SCARY HOMELESS
GUY, BUT GENTLEMAN AND
GENTLEMAN, I THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO LIKE THIS.
THE CONSERVATIVE BRUCE
SPRINGSTEEN, BRAD SPRINGFORD.
(piano instrumental plays)
(he sings)
I got a 2015
6 series sedan
With ergonomically
molded seats
She's waiting for me
in the 6 car garage
Of a house with 7,000
square feet
My business manager
Sonny, leased it for 900 flat
Sonny always use'em
down real good
We just run for the money
barely pay taxes
And shut up liberals
and gays like we should
I met my wife on a business trip
To Houston just 3 years back
Looked like Elisabeth Hasselbeck
or Michelle Bachmann if
Bachmann lost 10 pounds in her ass
Tonight, tonight, Paul
Ryan's abs are tight
And Rand's great and
global warming's a joke
'Cuz November's here,
and the time is right
To make it really hard
for of people to vote
Mmmm...
Oh-oh-oh

> WHAT A PATRIOT.

> YOU DAMN RIGHT HE'S A PATRIOT.
AND IT'S MY PLEASURE TO
INTRODUCE TO YOU,
MR. BRAD SPRINGFORD.
(you hear claps)

> GOOD TO SEE YOU - GOOD TO
SEE YOU GUYS, HOW ARE YOU?

> GUYS, BRAD HERE IS GOING TO
BE CAMPAIGNING FOR US THIS FALL ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY.

> JUST UH, ONE QUICK QUESTION.

> WHAT'S THAT BRAD?

> HOW MUCH AM I GOING TO GET PAID?

> AS PER THE LAW MANDATES,
WE'RE PREPARED
TO OFFER YOU $7.25 AN HOUR,
BUT IF THINGS GO WELL
THIS NOVEMBER WE'RE PREPARED
TO OFFER YOU EVEN
LESS.

> $7.25 AN HOUR?

> THAT'S RIGHT BRAD.

> I MEAN WITH ALL
DUE RESPECT UH, YOU CAN
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
THAT AIN'T SHIT GUYS.

> SHIT BALLS. YOU KNOW
THIS KEEPS HAPPENING.
MAYBE IT'S TIME WE DID PAY MORE.

> THE HELL WITH THAT.
WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON HOW
TO MAKE THE BALLOT MORE
CONFUSING IN DEMOCRATIC COUNTIES.

> GREAT IDEA.

> I GOT SOMETHING GUYS,
WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO WEAR
D GOGGLES IN ORDER TO SEE
THE BALLOT?

> YEAH!

> 3D GOGGLES!

> THAT'S JUST OFF
TOP OF THE HEAD.

> WOW!

> OK GUYS, SHIRTS OFF,
LET'S HIT THE HOT TUB.

> ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT...

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