Michael Shannon channels Rebecca Martinson's insane and equally amazing letter to her Delta Gamma sorority sisters.
Published April 22, 2013 5.2m views Immortal More Info »
Full Credits
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Michael Shannon
Directors: Danny Jelinek & Bryan Safi
Editor: Danny Jelinek
Producer: Betsy Koch
DP: Nate Cornett
AC: Shane Vader
Production Designer: Alison Koch
Hair/MU: Lauren Kaye Cohen
Sound: Ryan Kaiser
PA: Becca Sheuer
Special Thanks: Josh Zetumer & Bryna Rifkin
Stats & Data
Transcript

[Music Playing]
Michael Shannon: If you just opened this like
I told you to, tie yourself
Michael Shannon: down to whatever chair you're
sitting in cause this e-mail
Michael Shannon: is gonna be a rough
fucking ride.
Michael Shannon: For those of you that
have your heads
Michael Shannon: under rocks, which
apparently is the majority of
Michael Shannon: this chapter, we have been
fucking up in terms of night
Michael Shannon: time events and general
social interactions with Sigma Nu.
Michael Shannon: If you're reading this right
now, and saying to yourself
Michael Shannon: "OMG, Becca, I've
been having so much fun with
Michael Shannon: my sisters this week!"
Michael Shannon: then punch yourself in the
face right now,
Michael Shannon: so that I don't have to
fucking find you on campus
Michael Shannon: and do it myself.
Michael Shannon: You have 361 days out of the
fucking year to talk to
Michael Shannon: sisters, and this week
is NOT,
Michael Shannon: I fucking repeat, not
fucking one of them!
Michael Shannon: This week is about fostering
relationships in the Greek
Michael Shannon: community, and that's not
fucking possible if you're
Michael Shannon: gonna stand around, talk to
each other, and not our match-up.
Michael Shannon: Newsflash you stupid
fucking cocks:
Michael Shannon: frats don't like boring
sororities!
Michael Shannon: Oh, wait, double fucking
newsflash: Sigma Nu is not
Michael Shannon: gonna want to hang out with
us if we fucking suck!
Michael Shannon: Which, by the way, in case
you're an idiot and need it
Michael Shannon: spelled out for you, we
fucking suck so far.
Michael Shannon: This also applies to you
little shits
Michael Shannon: that have talked openly about
post-gaming at a different frat
Michael Shannon: in front of Sigma Nu
brothers!
Michael Shannon: Are you people fucking
retarded?
Michael Shannon: That's not a
rhetorical question.
Michael Shannon: I literally want you to e-mail
me back telling me if you're mentally slow,
Michael Shannon: so I can make sure you don't
go to any more nighttime events.
Michael Shannon: If Sigma Nu said "Yeah, we're
gonna invite Zeta over",
Michael Shannon: would you be happy?
Would you?
Michael Shannon: NO YOU WOULDN'T! SO, WHY THE
F**K DO YOU DO IT TO THEM?
Michael Shannon: First of all, you shouldn't
be post gaming at other frats.
Michael Shannon: I don't give a fuck if your
boyfriend is in it.
Michael Shannon: You don't go!
Michael Shannon: YOU.
Michael Shannon: DON'T.
Michael Shannon: GO.
Michael Shannon: And you especially do fucking
not convince other girls to leave with you.
Michael Shannon: "But Becca!", you say in your
whiny little bitch voice
Michael Shannon: to your computer screen,
"I've been cheering on all our sports teams
Michael Shannon: and all the sports, doesn't
that count for something?"
Michael Shannon: No, you stupid fucking
asshats, it fucking doesn't!
Michael Shannon: Do you want to know
fucking why?
Michael Shannon: It doesn't count because
you've been fucking up at
Michael Shannon: Sober fucking events too!
Michael Shannon: For example, being
stupid shits,
Michael Shannon: and saying stuff like
"Durr, what's kickball?"
Michael Shannon: Well, it's time someone told
you no one fucking likes that!
Michael Shannon: I WILL fucking cunt punt the
next person I hear doing
Michael Shannon: something like that!
Michael Shannon: And I don't give a fuck if
you S.O.R. me,
Michael Shannon: I WILL fucking assault you.
Michael Shannon: If this e-mail applies to you
in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe
Michael Shannon: that stands in the
corners at night,
Michael Shannon: or if you're a weird shit
that does weird shit during the day,
Michael Shannon: this following message is for
you: Do no go to tonight's event!
Michael Shannon: I'm not fucking
kidding!
Michael Shannon: Don't go!
Michael Shannon: If you are one of the people
that have told me,
Michael Shannon: "Oh no, boo hoo, I can't talk
to boys. I'm too sober."
Michael Shannon: Then I pity you. Because I
don't know how you got this far in life,
Michael Shannon: and with that in mind, don't
fucking show up.
Michael Shannon: Unless, you're going to stop
being a goddamn cock-block
Michael Shannon: for our chapter. Seriously. I
swear to fucking God,
Michael Shannon: if I see anyone being
a goddam boner
Michael Shannon: at tonight's event, I will
tell you to leave.
Michael Shannon: Even if you're sober.
Michael Shannon: And for those of you who are
offended at this e-mail,
Michael Shannon: I apologize, but I really
don't give a fuck.
Michael Shannon: Go fuck yourself.

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