- You know honey, I've been all over this great country,
this which way, that which way.
And one thing I've learned is
there's dicks everywheres!
Come take a look at some of my favorite dicks
in the whole Untied States.
Portland, Origin is known for its vibrant art scene.
This dick is so big this can't even be fun.
I like it though.
An absolutely stunning manument to mankind's
very first cock and balls.
I think Porcelain, Oregon's too modest
to say anything, but,
it's Hung Far Low.
Get out of my ass, look at the size
of that treenis,
only a penis-hairy boner!
Are you joking my ass?
Look at this beautiful cocktus here in the desert.
Holy snopes, would you look at this beaut right here?
I guess that's why they call it Penis, Arizona!
Whoa, baby boy, beautiful San Francisco.
More like beautiful San Fran-dicks-co!
I'm in Wine Country and this poor guy's got wine dick!
Mmm, yum, yum, yum.
Bunch of little cocks here in Salt Lake City.
A lot of people don't realize the Great Salt Lake
lives in the shadow of this big, beautiful dick.
Wow wow wow!
Isn't downtown Denver a thing of beauty?
Even the city itself has a boner!
C'mon, you're supposed to be a cone not a bone!
Denjer Coronado, you are one nasty boy!
A lovely art gallery in Denverb Colora, whoa look at that!
You know, I never noticed, but this long,
beautiful shaft of the Space Needle
has two perfect round balls.
Even Pike Place in Seattle, Washington
has a pretty big wiener!
Whoa, baby boy!
Look at his hog here in Chicago, the Windy City.
Well I sure might, I sure get, I sure feel, I sure am,
I sure feel, blown away!
(bursts in laughter)
Holy snopes, a stunning shaft and 'nads here
in Dick-cago, Illinois!
Toly crobus, Mastodon, Wisconsin,
what are ya, happy to see my ass?
Jesus Christ, Wisconsin, you might wanna
get that checked out!
Boy have I seen some big, beautiful dicks
around this great country of ours!
Thanks for coming on this journey with me,
and make sure to check out American Vandal on Netflix
to find out who drew the dicks!
It might even be the best day of your whole life.