WARNING: Strong language! Mark Twain is stuck in our Mirror Universe timeline and... more »


Hello, I’m Mark Twain.

I have travelled to your terrible dystopian
hellscape of a future via Quantum Leap Accerrato

which I accidentally invented while trying
to revolutionize the printing press.

It’s all in my Ken Burns documentary.

Anyhoo, I’ve got a question for Senate and
House Democrats from my roommate Felicia.

She’s been calling but can’t get through
or leave a message and can’t afford to take

a day off work to go to your office and stand
around yelling things that rhyme.

I’m gonna ask you Felicia’s question here:
What the f**k are you doing?



The f**k.

Are you doing.

Democracy is under attack.

Our democratic norms are being obliterated.

Our constitution is being trampled.

And some of you are letting Trump’s unqualified
and dangerous cabinet nominees sail through

the confirmation process?

What the f**k are you doing?

Elizabeth Warren?

You voted Yes for Ben Carson as HUD Secretary?

What the f**k are you doing?

You’re Elizabeth F**king Warren.

Act like it!

Dianne Feinstein.

What the f**k are you doing?

You delayed the vote on Sessions so thanks
for that but so far you’ve voted yes on

all of Trump’s
nominees just like Minority Leader Chuck Shumer?

What the f**k, Chuck?

Stop talking about infrastructure and common
ground and jam them authoritarian a-holes


Bernie Sanders.



Remember that little bird that landed on you
lectern during that rally?

Well, that bird’s got a question for you:

You can’t commit to voting against Sessions?

What new information do you need to make a

He’s a racist.

And I oughta know.

I’m a white dude from the 1867 with some
troubling opinions of my own.

It’s been a long time since you marched
with Martin Luther King, Bernie.

Time for you to stop courting the support
of Trump voters and be a radical voice of


That goes for all y’all.

We are facing an authoritarian takeover of
our country and you’re capitulating and

collaborating with an illegitimate president
while sending out electronic-mails offering

“free stickers” in exchange for us giving
you more money!


Not bringing up Russia.

That’s for sure.

All y’all pretty quiet about that for some

Rome’s on fire, mother f**kers!

Stop playing your fiddles and grow a god damn

Imagine what you’d have done to stop the Nazis
in 1933 and do that.

We’d threaten to vote you out in 2018 but
that presupposes the idea that a) we’ll

not all be dead by then and b) that this country
will ever have a free election again.

Hashtag Crosscheck.

Hashtag gerrymandering.

Hashtag What’s a hashtag?

Also, I can’t vote cuz all my paperwork
says I died in 1910 so I’m basically an

undocumented temporal immigrant.

Now you f**kers better lock arms, get bold,
and fight as though the fate of the human

race depends on it.

Cuz guess what?

It does.

History’s watching.

This has been Mark Twain asking, “What the
f**k are you doing?”