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March 18, 2017
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(bright music)
- Hello and welcome to another episode of
The Shirtless Painter.
I love you.
Anyone can paint and anyone can paint anything.
Anyone can have a birthday, which is why today
we're going to be painting, you guessed it,
a birthday cake.
I invite you to take off your shirt,
take out some paint, and join along with me.
Alright, so, I've got my canvass primed here
with just sort of some birthday colors
and we're gonna be running through some of
the paints that we're gonna be using
so you can follow along at home.
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Let's dig in.
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So the first thing we need for a birthday cake is
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the cake, so we're gonna get some yellow cake color here.
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This was not found in Iraq.
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That's a little yellow cake joke that I sometimes make.
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The joke I make about yellow cake,
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that's a little rhyme I say.
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We're gonna just mix it up,
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get a nice strong cake color goin' there.
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Look at that.
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And your cake doesn't have to be yellow.
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Your cake could be, oh your cake could be red,
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brown,
funfetti,
don't let anyone tell you how to live your life
or how to color your cake.
And if anyone tries, you send 'em to me.
So we got sort of our cake batter here.
Be sure to, the trick is to keep it away from the black.
You don't want the black because
it's unappetizing.
So I'm just gonna go ahead and,
I'm actually gonna go ahead and mix up
a little plate color as well
'cause every cake needs a plate.
So we'll sort of a nice gray disc going.
Alright.
Look at that.
So I've got my flat cake pan brush here.
And we're just gonna dig right in
and go ahead and start just doin' a little
sort of frisbee shape.
If you don't like frisbees, well, I feel bad for you.
Frisbees are fun to play.
Whether on a team,
ultimate frisbee,
or just throwin' it around yourself and goin' to get it,
and doin' it again.
Alright, so we'll really just get in there
and give yourself a nice disc base.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Alright, so we've got our nice pan, cake pan shape here.
Blow on it.
Just kidding.
Okay.
Alright, so now we got the pan.
Yum, yum, it's time for some cake.
So you could do as many layers on your cake as you like.
I'm just gonna
start from the bottom.
Now we're here.
We're here painting.
I like to think that Drake song is about painting
because you always gotta start from the bottom,
and now you're here with a lovely painting,
all finished for your birthday, or a friend's birthday.
And if you don't like cake you could do a pie,
you could do a pizza pie.
Either or, a pie or a pizza pie.
Okay, so just go ahead and build that up real nice.
Give it as many layers as you want.
Look at that.
Look at that.
I'm not a good baker, but I do like to paint
baked goods.
This could be a birthday cake for you,
this could be a birthday cake for a friend,
this is a great way to pass the time
if you're celebrating your birthday alone,
or a great way to pass the time with friends.
Look at that.
And some of the gray from your pan might
get into the cake, cake mix there,
doesn't matter, it's all goin' to the same place, your eyes.
They say the eyes are bigger than the stomach,
and well, I believe 'em.
Alright.
Okay, so we've got our couple of layers there,
couple of cake layers.
And now to stick these two layers together
we're gonna add a little bit of frosting layer in between.
So I like the color brown frosting,
and we all know that brown is the mix of all colors.
So we're just gonna dip, dab, diddly-do,
just do a little of all color brown.
Look at that.
Add a little more orange.
That's a lot of orange, great.
And then this is a little trick I like to do,
just givin' it a little dabbly-do.
Just sort of chuggin' along like a little train.
Kinda makes your canvass flop around like sails on a boat,
and in a way it is a boat.
Takes you on a journey to an island of painting.
Okay, so we've got our center stripe, our fudge stripe.
Great, look at that.
Sometimes your paper towels will get a little wet,
and my motto is when it starts to sop it's time to stop,
and start with a new paper towel.
So always keep a few paper towels.
I got these from the restroom
at the municipal building in my town.
Alright, so we're just gonna go ahead and add
just a little darker shade of cake mess right here.
Just to kinda fill it in up top.
Give it that nice cakey.
And again, this is just a system of frisbees, really,
as I said.
So give it that top frisbee and really make it pop.
Speaking of pop
nothing goes better with cake than, you guessed it,
a nice cold soda.
So again, soda is brown, so we're just gonna create
some more of our brown which is
all colors, here, so we'll just get a little dab
of everything, sort of a rainbow coalition.
Mix it together.
Look at that.
Okay.
So, I don't know about you, but I like to drink
my soda out of small glass bottles,
so we're gonna go ahead and paint ourselves
a nice ice cold Coca-Cola in a glass bottle,
just like the old days.
Okay.
And it doesn't have to be a Coca-Cola,
you could drink Sprite, Sprite Remix,
Coke Zero, anything you want.
I tried Coke for the first time just the other day.
I didn't sleep for a week.
So I'm gonna make mine a caffeine free 'cause
who needs to be awake all the time?
Alright, so that's a little sloppy,
but that's okay, we're gonna spruce it up right now.
We'll get you some nice little white highlights here.
Just to really show the contours,
sexy shape of a Coke bottle there.
To me it looks like a woman.
Don't tell my wife.
Look at that.
Oh baby.
Look at that.
Very sexy.
So we've got our main cake shape,
we got our bottle of pop,
we've got a lot of refreshments out,
but every good birthday party needs friends.
So here, you could use real friends,
you could use people you'd like to make friends with,
use your imagination.
First thing I'm gonna add because she might
already be mad at me about this Coca-Cola crack,
so the first thing I'm gonna do is add my wife.
Just get it out of the way.
Alright.
So we'll just mix up some nice wife, wife shade here.
And your wife's skin could be any color.
My wife's parents were adopted, so we don't know
where she's from, so her ethnicity is ambiguous.
She's just gonna be a tiny wife today.
We'll give her a nice little party hat to celebrate.
Sorta looks like a dunce cap, but my wife is no dunce.
Or a Christmas elf.
So we just wanna give our wife these black eyes.
We'll give her a surprised face,
she can't believe how big that cake is.
She's comin' from work, so we're gonna have her
in her nursing whites.
My wife is a nurse.
Great, look at that.
Look at that.
Beautiful.
And well, what the heck, we're already halfway there,
let's go ahead and make her an elf.
Just a little birthday elf.
Christmas has its own elves, but you don't ever
hear about a birthday elf, well,
guess what, today it's the birthday elf's time to shine.
Maybe I'll write a movie called, My Wife, The Birthday Elf.
Sound off in the comments if you think
I should write that movie.
Love to hear your feedback.
Screenplay is really just a painting with words, so
keep that in mind.
And little pointy shoes.
And of course we gotta give her some hands
so that she can make the birthday presents.
Not with Santa Clause, but with, well,
we'll call him Birthday Bob.
He's a man who comes to your house every year
and brings you birthday presents for your birthday.
Just a little character I made up.
Sound off in the comments if you think
I should write up Birthday Bob,
or My Wife, The Birthday Elf.
Okay, so we've got our Coca-Cola,
we've got our birthday wife, and of course,
we've got our main birthday cake, but
we need some more, we need some more friends at this party.
One of my favorite friends from TV is, you guessed it,
Bart Simpson.
So we're gonna just have him peekin' in real big.
Just watchin' over things.
Makin' sure no one's havin' a cow.
Don't have a cow.
Don't ever have a cow.
Okay, just give him his big ol' spikes here.
Look at that, look at that.
Maybe he's sneakin' just a little taste of the Coca-Cola.
Whoop, I hope Marge doesn't know.
Just stealin' a little sip.
Wrappin' his ol' lips around it.
Just fill him in.
Gorgeous.
And we gotta make sure that Bart knows
that the hell he's suckin' on right now,
so let's go ahead and give him,
let's go ahead and give him some eyes.
Sometimes you gotta reload on paint.
Whoop, that's okay.
Just let it rain down.
(glass shattering)
(cat meowing)
Alright.
Okay.
Let's go ahead and give him some big ol' eyes there.
Big ol' eyes, alright.
And again, it's a system of frisbees.
So just think of Bart's eyes as yet more frisbees
in your series of frisbees, that's all painting is.
Everything can be boiled down to frisbees.
Alright.
Really get those big ol' white peepers in there.
Look at that, look at that.
So some of the yellow might get in there, that's okay.
Looks like he might have a bit of jaundice
or some other disease.
That's okay, don't have a cow.
Don't have a cow.
Don't ever have a cow.
Okay, so we'll just fill in those old eyes.
And, whoop, ay caramba,
I'm drinkin' a Coke, that's what he's probably thinkin'.
Or maybe it's a Homer Simpson Duff Beer
and we don't know about it, shhh.
Okay, so we've got our Bart Simpson,
we've got our wife, and we've got somethin' to drink,
and I know what you're thinking,
this cake is missing some icing.
So this is when we go into our backpack
and we get our icing.
We won't be needing this.
And then we just go into our front area here,
this is where I keep all my tools,
and we get our nice icing brush.
Okay.
So just go ahead and crack that open.
Go ahead and take a big ol' dollop of our brown here.
And if nobody's looking, might as well take a taste.
Mmm, shhh.
Whoop, you didn't see nothin'.
Alright, so again, don't have a cow about it,
just go ahead and ice it on there, as much as you choose.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Really lay it on there thick.
Oh yeah.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
I don't know about you, but I'm gettin' hungry.
I haven't eaten in weeks.
And if anyone's seen my son, definitely sound off
in the comments about that.
Definitely let me know.
Okay.
And again, don't be shy with the frosting.
Really schlop it on there.
Sometimes you might have to get low
like they say in the music video.
Get low, touch your toes, do whatever you gotta do.
Just make sure you cover up all that mean ol' yellow
with some friendly tasty brown.
Yeah.
Oh hell yeah.
Okay.
Great, so we got our cake frosted.
Now it's time to add, you guessed it, the candles.
So we go back into our bag here.
And we just go into our candle pocket.
You've heard of a Candlebox, well, that's a band,
this is a pocket, and just start puttin' some
candles in there.
As many as you choose.
You're the boss.
Great.
So this could be a cake for a six year old,
a 60 year old, or just someone who can't count.
Okay.
And now it's time
to light the candles.
Now, if you're a child, don't use a lighter,
but ask your parents for some help.
And if your parents aren't home, well then,
just this once you could do it.
Okay.
Look at that.
And it'll start to smoke a little bit,
that's normal.
Your painting will start to smoke,
that's quite alright.
Thank you for joining me today on this episode
of Shirtless Painter.
I invite you to take off your shirt
and paint along with me at home next time.
Happy birthday and I love you.
(cheerful music)

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