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March 13, 2018

There's nothing more exciting than learning how to cook a great meal; take it from Jeff Goldblum! He's met dinosaurs AND become a human fly.

There’s nothing more exciting than learning how to cook a great meal; take it from Jeff Goldblum, he’s met dinosaurs AND become a human fly.

We tagged along with Mr. Goldblum as he put together an amazing soupe au pistou with renowned Los Angeles Times food critic Jonathan Gold and here’s what we learned:

1) This Is Not Jeff’s House

Not everything you see on the Internet is real, kids. It is a fact, though, that if Jeff Goldblum plays a piano it automatically becomes his property.

2) It’s Pronounced Jeff, Not Chef

Now, Jeff is a guy who isn’t afraid of a little adventure, or a big one, and this is no exception; he doesn’t know the first thing about cooking! It’s understandable, though; if you invite Jeff Goldblum to your house are you really gonna ask him to pulverize some chicken thighs while you sit back and tell him about your desk job? If so we don’t want to come to your house for dinner.

But this isn’t called “NOT Cooking with Jeff” so it’s off to Ralph’s to get our ingredients!

3) Foodball

Jeff approaches a trip to Ralph’s like everything else - with absolute wonder. He likens the trip to arriving at a football stadium, which makes sense; there’s a lot of dodging and weaving involved, but no concussions.

Jeff grabs a cart, and not a basket because honestly? You never know what else you’re going to realize you need when you’re at the store. Once we ran to Ralph’s for a pint of blueberries; we came back with a tray of hot wings and four pounds of tarragon.

4) O Cavatappi, My Cavatappi

It’s a debate as old as time. Tubes? Squiggles? Springs? Long boyes? Flat boyes?

Jeff goes for the cavatappi, a combination of tube and spiral. In the world of macaroni, anything’s pastable!

5) Spice World

Somewhere there’s a version of “Dangerous Minds” where Jeff Goldblum is sitting backwards on a chair while Coolio raps at him, and then when he’s done he drops a knowledge bomb like this:

6) Grandmaster Meets Cheesemaster

Jeff mistakes the Cheese Master for a Cheese Monger, who corrects our intrepid chef. Mongers don’t have top hats, Jeff. You have to earn that puppy.

In fairness, our Cheese Master hasn’t seen “Thor: Ragnarok” so he thinks Goldblum plays the Grandmonger.

We learn Jeff would be a fine Swiss if he were a cheese.

Jeff acquires our special ingredient - parmigiano reggiano, the King of Cheese. Today, we all learned the cheese universe is a monarchy. Heavy is the head that grates the cheese.

Now it’s time to soup things up!

7) Spinning Gold

We’re back in “Jeff’s” kitchen with his special guest Jonathan Gold. Jeff runs down Jonathan’s accomplishments as a writer and critic and anything else his Wikipedia entry might tell us. Jeff Goldblum uses Wikipedia. Celebrities; they’re just like us!

8) Eat It

Jeff and John begin their culinary journey around the kitchen.

You can call him Prep Goldblum. But maybe no tto his face. He might not get it.

Prep is fascinated by the process like he assumed that potatoes were simply grown in fry or chip shape.

If you’ve ever MASH ed on Jeff Goldblum, then this GIF of Jeff Goldblum mashing is for you.

No…you’re a Jeff!

Now is the time for us to cease our chatter and pour our soups.

This soup looks so good our stomachs are catcalling it.

How do you feel about this, Jeff?

9) The Soup That Eats Like a Meal

Jeff and Jonathan go to “Jeff’s”“backyard” to “eat” their “soups.”

One last thing to learn from Jeff Goldblum - how to open your napkin like a GD gentleman.

What a delight.

While there’s some advance prep needed, this isn’t an incredibly difficult soup to make. If you ever need the recipe, just ask Jeff Goldblum. He knows it by heart.

Interested in having your own Chef Goldblum experience? Click here to learn how to make it yourself! (Jeff Goldblum not included)