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August 09, 2017

Do some bits; avoid that ticket!

So you just got pulled over. Maybe for speeding, maybe a headlight was out, who knows! Well, here’s 11 bits to do with the cop that will ensure you definitely will NOT get that ticket!

Getting a ticket sucks… Just like yer mom

Yo Momma.jpg

A nice “yer mom” joke should put the officer in a good mood. An easy way to get him not to give you the ticket or arrest you. Definitely try that out first!

Try a knock knock joke!

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
You didn’t speed and I’m not giving you a ticket.
You didn’t speed and I’m not giving you a ticket who-
Perfect! Thanks!
*Speeds away*

Wouldn’t it be funny if I drove away right now?

OJ Chase.jpg

This is an obvious move. By saying “wouldn’t it be funny if I just drove away?” then actually driving away, the officer is sure to appreciate the timing. The only downside to this one is you won’t get to see his face when he gets it; stinker!

What’s the difference between this ticket and yer mom?

Nothing! Ima tear em both up tonight!

Yo Momma 2.jpg

If that first “yer mom” joke didn’t work, it’s always a good idea to have a backup. This one takes it to a new level, a little dirtier and more suggestive, but obviously still tasteful; the officer will definitely appreciate the subtlety and sophistication in this one. There’s no way you’ll get that ticket!

What’d Indiana Jones say after he threw that Nazi out the window?

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This is more of a riddle, but you know when they answer with “No ticket” you can take that to mean you’re not getting one. It’s a pretty devious ploy that will surely hold up in traffic court.

License and registration? For what, deez gunz?

Pumping Iron.jpg

This one is not only a monster joke that’ll have the cop in stitches, but by flexing your massive biceps, you’re also establishing dominance. This is a subtle way to let the cop know who is REALLY in charge here. He’ll be simultaneously in hysterics, and intimidated. No ticket, no worries!

What’s the difference between this ticket and yer mom?
This ticket will screw me if I DON’T pay for it!

MTV Battle.jpg

Ok, let’s say by some weird happenstance, those first two “yer mom” jokes didn’t do the trick? You know what they say, third times the charm! Promise, THIS is the one that’ll do it… Make sure you drop the mic after this one though!

Try it in the form of a question…

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What am I going to:

1. Pay money for
2. Get points for
3. Not shred when I get home?

What is, not this ticket, Alex.

“That’s what she said”

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This one works in literally EVERY situation, why shouldn’t it work here?

- You were going too fast
- That’s what she said

- That is a compact spot. You’re too big to fit in there.
- That’s what she said

- If you do this again, I will come for you
- That’s definitely what she said

If you don’t have a mustache and aviators, does the ticket even count?

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This one is a last resort, but there is a chance they will appreciate the underlying concept. Also, be real for a minute, if they don’t have a mustache and aviators, are they even really cops? No. The answer is no.

Abba Doobada ShabaDOOOOOOO

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If all else fails, just make Adam Sandler baby noises, then drive away. If nothing else, they’ll be confused and respect your effort!

So there you have it, 11 amazing and genius jokes that will without question get you out of that ticket. Try em out next time you get pulled over, and comment with some new ones that need to be added; there are tons more! Happy speeding!