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March 16, 2016
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Neither are running for president!

This just in! Boehner will have reason to cry yet again as the person he has endorsed for president has declared over and over again that he is not running for president. Boehner was asked who he supported for president, and he responded with the following:

“If we don’t have a nominee who can win on the first ballot, I’m for none of the above. They all had a chance to win. None of them won. So I’m for none of the above. I’m for Paul Ryan to be our nominee.”

— John Boehner

The big issue with this statement is that Paul Ryan, current speaker of the house, is not running for president. Here is proof.

“I’m not running for president.”

— Paul Ryan

However, as long we we’re nominating people who have not campaigned and are not interested in being our nation’s leader, I choose Paul Giamatti. I think Paul is fun, charismatic, looks great in glasses, and is a brilliant actor. Plus, I saw him walking down the street the other evening and he looked genuinely happy. He radiated a good vibe that made me feel reassured and that he’d be a great leader.

Paul_Giamatti_2010_TIFF.jpg

A vote for Paul Giamatti is a vote for a better future but also ultimately useless.

“I’m not running for president.”

— Paul Giamatti, probably

Who would you vote for president who isn’t running and has no interest in leading our nation? The options are literally endless!

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