A new study
has revealed the positions in which paleontologists believe dinosaurs had sex, complete with detailed illustrations. Very exciting. As kids love dinosaurs and are known to be inquisitive, here's a handy guide for how to talk to your child about it.
They'll Ask: How did dinosaurs have sex?
You'll Answer: They kind of straddled each other and rubbed what was called a cloaca together as a mating ritual.
They'll Ask: What's a cloaca?
You'll Answer: Uhhhh, it's a single body opening used for urination, as well reproduction.
They'll Ask: So they just rub them?
You'll Answer: I guess. (Say with intrigue as you never pondered this, but are certainly interested)
They'll Ask: So is that like scissoring?
You'll Answer: Really good call...Wait, what? How do you know what scissoring is?
They'll Say: Mom said it once.
You'll Answer: Mom says a lot of things. (Stare off in the distance as this strikes a chord with you)
They'll Ask: So if it's not like scissoring, how does it work?
You'll Answer: (You'll show them a picture of two dinosaurs doing it because of a sudden need to impress your child)
They'll Ask: Did you draw that?
You'll Answer: No, the one I drew didn't turn out as good and actually I made it years before this study even began, as I am wont to do with my free time. Also don't ever open any of my notebooks.
They'll Ask: Can I stop looking at this picture now? It's making me sad.
You'll Answer: Just 5 more minutes.
Wait 5 minutes. Really be accurate with the scarring of your children.
They'll Ask: So dinosaurs have penises and vaginas?
You'll Answer: Do they! (Really sound enthusiastic here)
Show them another picture.
They'll Ask: Did you make this one?
You'll Answer: No. I improved it.
They'll Ask: Why is his erection so big?
You'll answer: Science.
They'll ask: Why does Mom say you're obsessed with penises?
You'll answer: I'm not the only one.
Then you'll laugh and laugh at the notion that your ongoing obsession with dinosaur genitalia has led to the dissolution of your marriage.
They'll ask: Why are you crying?
You'll answer: It's called being an adult.
They'll ask: What should I do with all these dinosaur pictures I found in your notebook and why does one have Mom's face on it?
You'll answer: Tell your mom that if she needs me I'll be at the Andersons for the weekend.
As you pack your belongings, pat yourself on the back for being such a good parent.