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July 13, 2017
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Get your 5-star rating today!

Most people know that Uber passengers rate their drivers after the trip, but some don’t realize that Uber drivers also get to rate passengers. Here are some things you can do as a passenger to get a 5-star rating!

1. Clean up after yourself!

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Leave the car as clean as it was when you entered. If you have to eat in the car due to a medical condition or if you’re training for a competitive eating competition, do it over a giant trash bag. Carrying giant trash bags around with you at all times may sound difficult, but it’s worth that great rating!

2. Have a conversation with the driver!

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Contrary to popular belief, Uber drivers are human just like you and me, and they love stimulating conversations! So take out your headphones and strike up a conversation. Some good starter topics: sports, hometowns, how Uber is a horrible company sucking the life out of drivers and proving the disgusting nature of capitalism as a whole, pets, or even just talk about the weather! *Ignore this tip if your driver is mute or deaf or blind.

3. Offer to drive!

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Driving is an Uber driver’s job, and who doesn’t like someone offering to do their job for them? So before you get in the backseat, ask if your driver wants to let you behind the wheel. Now some drivers will say things like, “That’s not allowed,” or “You look drunk,” or “I’m not your Uber driver, I’m just a normal guy.” That’s just them being humble and nice. Push them out of the driver’s seat and do them a favor. Your rating will thank you for it!

4. Be more attractive!

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Just stop being so ugly. You can’t be a 5 and get a 5-star rating.

5. Tip!

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Uber just recently allowed passengers to tip drivers, so take advantage of it! If you don’t want to tip through the app, you can always give them cash or non-monetary tips. Give your driver your leftovers from a nice restaurant! Or tip them by inviting them over for a barbecue next weekend! Or marry them, even though you don’t really want to! It’s hard not to give your spouse a good passenger rating!

6. Agree with them about their conspiracy theories!

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Uber drivers love to rant about conspiracy theories, and if they think you believe them too, they’re sure to give you a great rating. So nod your head when your driver goes on about the government putting brain-control devices inside of fidget spinners! Smile along when they say all spiders are aliens! Give a big thumbs up when they talk for twenty minutes about how the Earth can’t be round since basketballs are round and the Earth isn’t a basketball! Honestly, that last one is probably true.

7. Bring ice cream!

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Of all seven, this is the one tip that’s most likely to work. Just remember to eat it over those giant trash bags you carry around wherever you go. Getting a 5-star rating never tasted so good, did it? Maybe it did. I really don’t know.

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