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June 26, 2017
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I'd rather get a horrible sun burn sitting on a crowded beach than sit through 'Lost' season 6 again

Summer is one of life’s greatest cons. When you’re young it means freedom, fun, and endless possibilities. But when you grow up it’s just slogging through the same crap you do the rest of the year except you’re also sweating through your clothes while you do it. That’s when you start appreciating the other seasons more and more and realize that Summer actually sucks. Still, as bad as Summer is, it’s no where near as bad as the last season of Lost.

Here’s why:

SPOILERS (for both Lost and Summer)

Summer Sets You Up for Disappointment

When you’re young you spend all year looking forward to Summer. School lets out and you have 3 months to go nuts and have fun. When you’re older though, you never really get a break from your job even though you’re forever stuck in the summer mindset. Sure you can save up your vacation days and sick leave to try to do something fun for a week or so, but it’s not the same.

HOWEVER, the Last Season of Lost is Disappointment Incarnate

You spent 5 years getting invested in the characters and mysteries of Lost, then when the show needs to deliver, it lets out one long wet fart of a season containing forgettable flash-sidewayses, half-assed explanations (the whispers were ghosts?), and a cavern with a glowy light that looks crappier than a set from Nickelodeon’s Legends of the Hidden Temple

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The fuck is this shit


The Beach is Never as Fun as You Think It’ll Be

You pack up and head to the beach thinking you’re in for a great time of beach volleyball, sand castle building, surfing, and relaxing. But what you get is an overcrowded stretch of hot sand, frigid water, and a ticket for having an open container.

STILL, I’d Rather Get Skin Cancer Sitting on a Crowded Beach Than Sit Through Lost Season 6’s Never Ending Beach Reunions

Lost Season Six in a nutshell: the characters get separated, they find their way back to each other, sappy music plays, they have a slow motion reunion. Rinse. Repeat.


You Spend Half the Summer Recovering From Painful Sunburns

You always forget how shitty sunburns are for 9 months out of the year. Then summer rolls around and that huge ball of gas in the sky actively tries to kill you again. Even when you remember to put on sunscreen you’ll miss spots and end up with painful, blistering areas all over your body. Then you look like a freak as your skin peels off.

BUT, You’ll Spend the Rest of Your Life Coping With How the Last Season of Lost’s Lack of Payoff Burned You

The Writers claimed they had it all mapped out, that they knew what they were doing. They didn’t know shit. Jacob, the Man in Black, the donkey wheel, Charles Widmore, the Dharma initiative - none of it made any fucking sense. I still can’t watch mystery shows. What if they pull another Lost on me?

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Lost Season 6 watchers are all Frank Lapidus, burned and floundering, forsaken by the writers


During the Summer You Wallow in Sweat

You cannot escape the heat. You will sweat through all the clothes you have. Your favorite hats will get gnarly white salt stains. You will long for the worst wintry days when at least you can put on more layers.

YET, Lost Season 6 Will Make You Wallow in Cheap Tears

How can you not cry during the “remembering” scenes? The music, the emotion, the … remembering. You’ll be so distracted by the all manipulative bullshit, you’ll forget Sawyer and Juliet were a thing for like 3 episodes.


Of course, opinions may vary. Some people think Winter is frigid and miserable, but not as bad as the last season of Dexter.

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