On Thursday, Guinness World Records officials announced Corduroy as the world’s oldest living cat at age 26. Here’s a look back at some of this cat’s long and storied life.
The year of Corduroy’s birth. Corduroy played with toys, learned to use a litter box, and napped. This is also the year the Berlin Wall came down, but Corduroy had no concept of this, as he is a cat.
Bosnia declares its independence from Yugoslavia, Bill Clinton wins the presidency, and Corduroy continues to nap and shit in a box, because he is a cat that doesn’t even speak human.
A peace agreement is reached in Northern Ireland. Also everyone in America finds out who Monica Lewinsky is, except Corduroy who probably killed a bird or something and left it on his owner’s front step. Because he is just a cat who cannot physically be given or give a blowjob, let alone understand the concept.
9/11 happened and Corduroy didn’t even cry. Probably napped through the whole fucking thing.
US Forces invade Iraq and capture Saddam Hussein in Tikrit. Corduroy has never even owned an American flag. Doesn’t even know what America is. Probably tries to steal some of his owner’s freedom fries. God I’m really starting to fucking hate this cat.
Pope John Paul II dies. Corduroy doesn’t.
Obama is elected the first African American president of the United States. Corduroy didn’t vote for him.
The US troop surge into Afghanistan begins. War escalates. Parents bury children who didn’t get to live even as long as Corduroy, who is a cat.
Corduroy is named the world’s oldest living cat. Achieving a dream he never had because he doesn’t understand the concept of death or time. Nice work, God.