Hello post-coma friends. In order to catch you up to speed, here is a list of the 13 most notable things you should know since you’ve been under. Congrats on making your way back to us. Or not. You decide.
1. Donald Trump Is Our President
2. Pokémon Is Cool Again
3. Rock N’ Roll Is Officially Dead
4. Pokémon Is Uncool Again
5. People Are Really Mad
See number 1.
6. 2016 Was The Hottest Year On Record
7. Masterclass Turned Our Last Auteurs Into Sell Outs
8. Google And Levis Are Creating “Smart Denim”
9. Influencers Have Doubled Down On Rapey Content
10. We Are In A Golden Age Of Ice Cream
11. Racism Has Gone Viral
See number 1 again. Also because Neo-Nazis…
12. Fidget Spinners
13. Donald Trump May Or May Not Be Having Submissive Sexual Relations With Vladimir Putin And It May Or May Not Lead To Him Getting Impeached
Omitted by the U.S. Government
13. President Trump Is DEFINITELY NOT Having Submissive Sexual Relations With Vlady Putin. President Trump Is A Feral Beast In A Stable Full Of Cucks. You All Are The Submissive Ones!