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April 04, 2017

A rundown of some new ways to meet your perfect match!

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One of the most innovative dating apps I’ve ever used, Breadr serves as the perfect way to match with someone who eats the same kind of bread as me. I rarely fall for those who consume any white carbs, so it was no wonder I wound up immediately hitting it off with some fellow Pumpernickel and multigrain fans. 9/10

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The only dating app on the market that caters exclusively to pirates, Pirate Hook-Up is the ideal way to meet other pirates and bond about everything from life on the high seas to how they first contracted scurvy. Unfortunately, I wound up with zero matches since I am not a pirate. -/10

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From the creators of the popular money-transferring app Venmo, VenMeet’s premise is that it’s the only dating app where you can actually pay someone to go on a date with you. Since it’s currently only legal to use in Nevada thanks to criticisms that it promotes prostitution, I couldn’t actually test VenMeet out. I’m looking forward to downloading the next time I’m in Vegas. -/10


Many people only use Uber as a transportation service without realizing that it’s actually the perfect way to go on a blind date with a mystery driver. Ideal for bisexuals (since the sex of the driver cannot be chosen when requesting a ride), a 20 minute mobile date typically costs less than dinner, making it ideal for those thrifty relationship-seekers. Your surroundings are always changing, making the perfect opportunity for smalltalk. 5/10

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Despite its deceiving title, Star Sighter is a GPS-based dating app entirely made up of users who are currently at the same Starbucks as you. While fun at first, Star Sighter proved awkward after I had to reject a match who was sitting just a table over sipping a Caramel Macchiato. 2/10

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With the shallow premise of catering to superficial daters who will forgive personality flaws like narcissism or obnoxiousness as long as their significant other has supermodel good looks, I found ‘FicialMatch to be a minefield of bruised egos. Let’s be honest: if you’re specifically looking for someone with personality flaws, you probably have a few of your own. 3/10

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The perfect application for those emotionally distant lovers, Distantr is full of lonely people just petrified to show their true feelings. If you’re afraid to say “I love you,” this app is for you. The thing about Distantr is that even not getting a reply from a match is par for the course, thus making it difficult to decipher who’s into you and who’s not. Ah, the downfalls of dating the emotionally distant. 6/10

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No App is the dating app for people who don’t have dating apps. Meta? Yep. But I liked its simplicity, as well as the fact there’s finally a dating app that acknowledges that simply having a dating app is pathetic. 7/10