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July 05, 2017
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"The only solution to #BogusNews is to...FINISH HIM!" - President Donald Trump

President Donald Trump has stirred up controversy once again with a late night twitter tirade. The President announced that he would no longer call CNN fake or fraudulent, but now “bogus” news. He ended the tweet with an ominous declaration that the only solution to “bogus news” was to “FINISH HIM!”

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Several hours later President Trump followed up by tweeting #FINISHBOGUSNEWS with a video featuring Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat performing his trademark Fatality of ripping his opponent’s spine from his body, with a CNN logo superimposed over the defeated kombatant’s face.

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Many journalists were appalled, claiming Trump’s tweet was a clear, explicit threat to them. Trump supporters countered those concerns by holding their fists in front of their eyes and rotating them, pantomiming crying.

“Are you kidding me?” Jake Tapper of CNN shouted during his evening newscast. “This is a direct assault on the first amendment! It is intended to chill negative coverage of the President! Also, CNN is not Sonya, we would totally be Raiden if anything!”

“It’s a video game!” Anne Coulter, an early supporter of Trump said, defending the tweet. “I suppose these snowflakes think Donald Trump is going to literally walk up to CNN and forward, down, forward, high punch, triggering the spine ripping fatality to these triggered journalists.”

Constitutional scholar Eugene Volokh, while shocked by the nature of the tweet, noted that the spine-ripping GIF was taken from the SNES version of Mortal Kombat which lacks the gratuitous blood splatter of the Sega Genesis version, tempering any impact the meme should have on free speech. “If the President had tweeted a GIF from say [the film] Fargo, featuring the President feeding CNN into a woodchipper,blood spraying all over the place, that would be a different matter entirely, first amendment-wise,” Volokh explained.

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Artist mock-up of Professor Volokh’s hypothetical

Journalists traced the origin of the Sub Zero GIF to Shitpostr, a popular web forum dedicated to men’s rights, Trump memes, eugenics, and the obscure 90s television show VR Troopers. Members of Shitpostr, called “Troopers” compete to see who can get the President of the United States of America to retweet their shitposts, which unfortunately happens a lot.

Whether this particular tweet crossed a line or not, the country should ask itself whether the Commander-in-Chief and his staff should be scouring shitposts and tweeting them while North Korea is launching Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. Oh yeah, while all this stupid shit was going on North Korea launched a bunch more ICBMs all over the place.

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