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June 16, 2017
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Navigating the tricky world of "health" foods

Food. It’s either healthy or it’s not, right?

Wrong. Some foods that seem like they’d be good for you are actually pretty unhealthy. Here’s a list of foods that could ruin your whole diet if you dip them in rat poison.

Oatmeal

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Of all your options for breakfast, oatmeal seems like a safe choice. But the pre-packaged oatmeals many people eat have the same sugar content as a candy bar. And it’ll hardly be considered a healthy breakfast after sprinkling on some lethal rat poison.


Trail Mix

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Nuts and dried fruit. Seems pretty simple. However, the high levels of fat and sodium may have you regretting this salty snack. And you’ll really regret it after tossing in a handful of anticoagulant rodenticide.


Broccoli

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Broccoli? You’re telling me broccoli’s bad for you? Well, swish it around in a beaker of bromethalin, and you can kiss that beach body goodbye.


Pretty Much All Salad Dressing

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Most salads are pretty healthy on their own. But by adding your favorite dressings like ranch, honey mustard, and creamy caesar, you may find a few more inches added to your waistline. And by adding zinc phosphide, you may find your body convulsing and vomiting until death 2-3 hours later.


Multivitamins

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Ok, so technically it’s not a food. But vitamins are generally thought of as healthy, containing your daily requirement of Vitamin A, C, iron, and calcium. But if you wash down that multi with a glass of concentrated difethialone, you’re probably doing your body more harm than good.


Rat Poison

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Fat-free. Sugar-free. Gluten-free. Those qualities have some health junkies calling rat poison “the superfood of superfoods.” Nice try, but even a trace of rat poison in your rat poison has been known to cause death. Do yourself a favor- next time you’re at the supermarket, leave the rat poison on the shelf.

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