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476 Funny Votes
78 Die Votes
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Published: April 18, 2016
Description: "... swim in the pool for 4 minutes."

… call the wife “The Wife.”

… establish a rapport with the waitstaff.

… say “You gotta make free throws.”

… tell you that the Wi-Fi password is k31dfjmu6222fdj91p6s6awnmt2drt361m14fp.

… need a screwdriver. No, not THAT one. The philips head.

… pretend they don’t love the dog.

… print out that boarding pass a week early.

… save their daughters and the Earth by staying behind on the asteroid.

… ask how your car is holding up these days.

… swim in the pool for 4 minutes.

… make sure you close the fridge all the way.

… cc themselves on emails to make sure it goes through.

… diet by just starving themselves for a day.

… die before you’re old enough to get to know them on a more personal level.

… have the news on in the background at a low volume.

… be “Checking in.”

… let you know that the soup he’s making will be even better the next day.

… see refs that let em play.

… try to figure out the original floor plan of your apartment.

… talk about a scene that he insists was in Easy Rider and I guess at some point got taken out and destroyed?

… learn about news from the world of colon health.

… leave. You can never truly tame a dad.

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