“Whaaazzzuuup?! Haha, remember that? So my son, he’s not breathing.”
Don’t call. Wait for them to call you.
“Please hurry. My house is on fire, and it’s burning all my ‘Best Penis’ trophies.”
“Hi, I actually have TWO crimes I’d like to report.”
“Suuuup, [take drag of cigarette] there’s hella blood.”
“What’s my emergency? I’m drowning in pussy.”
Know all the police codes.
“Did it hurt? When you fell down from heaven? Cuz I just fell from the roof of a building and that hurt a lot.”
Conclude with “It’s like a whole thing.”
Put them on hold to take a more important call.