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February 06, 2017
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App Developer, Social Media Manager, Cloud Computing Specialist—all of these jobs were unheard of 15 years ago, yet are now careers in booming fields. Here’s a look at 7 jobs that don’t exist now, but will be commonplace in 2032.

World War III Historian

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People will need to study the causes and effects of the Third World War that will undoubtedly erupt within the next 15 years. Much like World War I and World War II historians, the main purpose of the job will be to act as consultants on big Hollywood films depicting the events of the wars. WWIII historians will work with directors to make sure the movies are authentic as possible and that they star the historian’s favorite actors and actresses. If you’d like to do this job in the future, start studying history, pay attention to the news and current events, and, most importantly, stay alive.

Roomba Funeral Director

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As humans get more and more attached to their robot helpers, they’ll obviously start viewing them as part of the family. So when the beloved Roomba’s circuits finally bite the dust, the obvious next stop will be to have a funeral for the deceased robot maid. Enter the Roomba Funeral Director, a human in charge of arranging a proper send-off of a family’s dust-cleaning friend into the big dirty floor in the sky. This is a different job than a regular funeral director, because it only handles Roombas and features a much higher salary. This position will have the same prestige as a doctor, a lawyer, or a YouTube celebrity.

Person Who Orders Seamless For You

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Humanity is already experiencing a golden age of convenience. A few taps on your phone can summon you a car ride to anywhere, order you a package from around the world, and get takeout delivered to wherever you happen to be. The convenience will only increase with the addition of the Person Who Orders Seamless For You to the workforce. These workers will wear bright uniforms and roam around cities. All hungry people have to do is hand them their phone and the Person Who Orders Seamless For You will take care of the rest. I know what you’re thinking, how will they know what you want to eat? That’s easy. They always order Pad Thai and everyone is always happy.

Miss America 2032

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Technically this “job” will only exist 15 years from now. Also, technically the job will be called, Miss “Former Coalition of American States.” I’d tell you why, but that’s a tale best told by a World War III historian.

Virtual Reality Manager of Olive Garden

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By 2032, according to a pamphlet I wrote and read, most humans will spend the majority of their time in a virtual realm. However, humanity loves tradition, so even in a virtual world where literally anything is possible, people are still going to want to do what they always do: go to Olive Garden. That’s why the Virtual Reality Manager of Olive Garden will be an ever-present occupation. Their duties are similar to a real world manager. They’ll make sure virtual customers are happy, that the virtual soup, salad, and breadsticks stay virtually endless, and they’ll clean up the virtual vomit in the virtual bathroom. Some may say that this job could simply be a computer program and doesn’t require a real human to plug into virtual reality. They’re right, but Olive Garden doesn’t know that and never will.

Space Sully

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With Elon Musk and SpaceX making great advancements in private space travel, there’s going to be a need for qualified space pilots. However, by 2032 “pilot” will be an antiquated term, replaced by the more popular “Sully,” derived from Sully Sullenberger, the pilot that inspired the character Sully in the hit film about Sully called Sully. In the future, space Sullies will undoubtedly fly patrons deep into the cosmos, landing on space rivers whenever necessary. These jobs will go to the most well-trained aviators and those who look most like Tom Hanks.

Polar “Ice” Caps Tour Guide

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Must be able to swim.

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