This work of true art is a collaboration between the Pitch joke writing app community and the Botnik collective (you may have seen their hilarious new chapter of Harry Potter). Writers used this predictive text keyboard of words scraped from a database of New Year’s Resolutions (try it yourself!) to create these New Year’s Resolutions. It’s kinda like texting using only the suggested words. Anyway, here are New Year’s Resolutions as written by a person/bot hybrid that barely understands humanity.