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July 30, 2017
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So you don’t like tipping servers. Here are some excuses you can use so people don't think you're just cheap!

So you don’t like tipping servers. Not just in situations of rudeness or extremely bad service, or bad financial times, you simply prefer not to tip when you eat in restaurants. Here are some excuses you can use so the people with you won’t think you’re just cheap!

1. “There was a hole in my wallet and a hole in my pants and a hole in the floor, so who knows where my money has gone!”

This one is great because it is hard for anyone to prove that there aren’t holes in those places. Unless they look or something. Don’t let them look!


2. “I am withholding love to make my server a stronger person.”

This excuse will flip the switch on your friends’ feelings. One second you’re a greedy jerk who won’t tip, next second you’re actually performing a kind act of mentorship.


3. “I’m saving up to buy a second i-Phone.”

Your friends will sympathize with the plight of a poor sap who can only afford one I-Phone.


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4. “My significant other’s birthday is coming up, so I need to spend all of my money on flowers.”

All you have to spend right now is the $19.49 that your meal costs. The rest is going towards flowers. You’ll figure out rent when you get there.


5. “Tipping isn’t mandatory.”

There is no law that you have to tip! You have the right to be a dick and no one can take that away from you.


6. “I left my wallet in a tree and then deforestation happened.”

Turn potential anger towards you into anger towards the errors of mankind.


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7. “How do I know where this money is going?”

It doesn’t technically make sense, because the money would be going to your server, but people love to be suspicious of where their money is going.


8. “I’m legally not allowed to tip a waiter while drinking alcohol.”

You’re thinking of driving, but hopefully no one corrects you.


9. “I just don’t like other people.”

They’re not you, so you simply don’t care much about them.


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10. “I want to organize all of my money in a storage unit and then lie on top of it like Huell and Kuby in Breaking Bad.”

That scene was adorable. And because your friends are thinking about that scene, they’re not thinking about you not tipping.


11. “The money fairy comes tonight.”

Exactly! It’s not like you came out to eat knowing how this works and understanding that it is customary for people to pay for service separate from the bill, right? It is a surprise every single time!

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12. “A tornado took my money.”

Everyone who saw Twister became afraid of tornadoes for life. There’s really no telling what they might take. A cow? 18% of this bill? Anything.


13. “I’m paying for my food. That’s all I owe.”

Exactly! It’s not like you came out to eat knowing how this works and understanding that it is customary for people to pay for service separate from the bill, right? It is a surprise every single time!


14. “My birthday is coming up, so I need to spend all of my money on flowers for myself.”

Again, flowers for birthdays are important. This is a universal truth. Flowers for birthdays first, responsibilities later.


15. “I don’t believe in tipping!”

You’re fighting the system. Employers should have to pay their workers more and it’s not your job to make up the difference. History will reward you for the brave stance you’re taking. Although, if you choose this excuse, hopefully you’re doing something else for your cause. Hopefully you’re not just punishing one person who’s trying to make sure you have a good time.

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