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December 08, 2016

“That’s a ridiculous question! Trump’s not some kind of vindictive dictator! But if he wanted, Trump would be a great vindictive dictator.”

After the CEO of Boeing criticized Trump’s trade policy, Trump tweeted out against the company. Then, Boeing’s stock dropped about $2 a share.


Trump’s seeming retaliation to Boeing CEO’s outspokenness has left businesses and corporations feeling uneasy. To see how uneasy, we asked several CEO’s the following question:

Do you feel you can speak freely in Trump’s America without fear of retribution?

“Why would Trump seek retribution if I speak freely about what I think of him? I think he is smart and strong and it makes total sense that Melania is his wife because they are equally attractive.”

— CEO of Serta, Joel Davenport

Of course I’m free to say whatever I believe! And I believe Donald Trump will be a great president. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go vomit for an unrelated reason.”

— CEO of Stop and Shop, Genevieve De Almeida

“I actually feel more comfortable speaking my mind now that Trump is president. What’s on my mind? Oh, just that I wish I could hug Donald Trump. I’m sure it would be pleasant and not feel like hugging a combination of pudding and Rogue from X-men.”

— CEO of Westfeild Shopping Centers, Robert Harper

“That’s a ridiculous question! Trump’s not some kind of vindictive dictator! … And I just want to add, I think Trump would be a great vindictive dictator.”

— CEO of Bic, Michael Cooperstein

“Uh, yes, I can speak freely in Trump’s America. Also, I made him this cross-stitch that says ‘You’re the best! I love you!’ can you get it to him? …On second thought, don’t tell him I ever spoke to you.”

— CEO of Michaels Crafts and Supplies, Allison Ross

“Why are you asking me that? Is this a threat? Did Trump send you here to deliver a warning?! Are you going to break my knees?! I’m sorry! I take it all back! He’s not a insecure psychopath! [crying] I take it back! I take it back! [sobbing]”

— CEO of Caribou Coffee, Brent Paulson