The only thing that could ruin these tweets? Anchovies.
Science question: Why is there no such thing as enough pizza?— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 22, 2016
How many glutens had to die to make your vegan pizza Darryn?— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) February 28, 2017
Shout out to Medium-Sized Caesar. No one talks about him 'cause he didn't start a pizza chain and whatnot but he was a good person.— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 24, 2016
whenever i order a pizza i ask for extra umbrella fungus. they're like what? and i'm like mushrooms! haha i've never felt the touch of a man— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) January 2, 2017
Pizza is like sex, even when its bad. Even when it's bad, its like sex. Pizza is like sex. Even when its bad -- pizza is like sex.— derek (@eedrk) February 19, 2017
When someone takes the last slice of pizza. pic.twitter.com/OqL2CRCgxO— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) December 2, 2016
glad those sped-up food videos go so fast because i only have so much time to shove oreos into my 3 layer pizza cake before i leave for work— tara shoe (@tarashoe) September 17, 2016
If you don’t fold your pizza into a perfect cube before eating it people in New York City will beat you to death with dead rats— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) November 4, 2016
(at funeral)— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) January 2, 2017
"Hi, if you're seeing this I guess there definitely is a limit to how much pizza you can eat in one day."
ME: If eating pizza makes you fat, I don't want to be thin— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) October 2, 2016
SCIENCE: It does
ME: Ok but I do want to be thin
[Last Supper]— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) December 20, 2016
JESUS: dibs on the last slice of pizza
JUDAS: *stuffs entire slice in his mouth* sorry didn't hear you
How to hit a woman's G-spot:— Ray (@SirEviscerate) August 4, 2016
1. Put her in the car.
2. Take her to Pizza Hut.
3. Order a-
Wait, sorry. This is how get her a P'zone.
seasonal foods for healthy and happy living:— eric (@ericsshadow) February 19, 2017
SPRING: corn, mango, pizza
SUMMER: beets, grapes, pizza
FALL: kale, dates, pizza
All women want a man who will sweep them off their feet, toss them into the air like a pizza base, and devour them entirely— Dee (@figgled) February 16, 2017
Pro tip: Ask the pizza place to cut your pizzas into small party squares. That way, they'll assume you're not eating alone while crying.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 8, 2016
Two guys in the airport bar are amazed a margherita pizza has no alcohol in it and they're the reason you can't leave bags unattended.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 23, 2016
Just binge watched a whole pizza— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 25, 2016
I ordered pizza from a new place and it sucks. Now I'm full on crappy pizza. Today was my cheat day and this 911 operator doesn't even care.— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 18, 2017
please stop saying i would lose a fight to the chef guy kissing his fingers on the pizza boxes. i havent yet had time to train— chris (@BassoonJokes) February 2, 2017
Pizza place: Sorry, we stopped delivering at 9 pm— Molly (@Molly_Kats) February 10, 2017
Me: I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT
me: *stops microwave one second before pizza rolls explode*— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 24, 2016
david blaine: holy shit
1st base: smooching— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 18, 2016
2nd base: hand stuff
3rd base: splitting a large pizza
home run: splitting 2 large pizzas and napping them off together
[funeral]— David Hughes (@david8hughes) July 29, 2016
Me: there's anything we can do, please-
Widow: buy me pizza
Me: uh ok
Widow [fist pumps]: best day ever!