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  • Bring your computer to the IT guy at work and flash a little skin.
  • Consider getting rid of large, unnecessary programs such as Windows 8.
  • Migrate non-critical files to a cloud-based storage system, where they will be with God and His angels.
  • Get rid of that pirated copy of The Pacifier you thought you needed in 1080p.
  • iPhoto’s facial-recognition software is a great way to find and delete photos that aren’t of genitals.
  • Get an external hard drive to also manage poorly.
  • Delete the Final Cut render files from your recent documentary The Roosevelts (this tip is for Ken Burns only)
  • Try verifying your hard drive in Disk Utility. If that doesn’t work just jerk off again.
  • Delete any email that doesn’t contain compliments.
  • Get a job at the NSA so you’ll have a backup of all your home files on your work computer.
  • Using a powerful magnet on your hard drive will move all the files into one corner of the disk and leave space on the other side.
  • Rule of thumb: If you haven’t masturbated to it for a full year, delete it.
  • If things get really dire you can always uninstall Snood.
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